change edward anthony masen cullen to James Ritcher.
(:
Friday, January 29, 2010
“When I’m weak I draw strength from you And when you’re lost I know how to change your mood And when I’m down you breathe life over me Even though we’re miles apart we are each other’s destiny” — Destiny, Zero 7
“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”
alright i think he's gonna kill me because i posted this up but hahaa well his facebook photos are like 90% half naked so i dont think he's gonna mind that much..=p
yeah and so this stupid hot tempered boyfriend of mine's turning 20 today! funny at how we kept cursing each other but are still perfectly fine with it. LOL.
and yes we cant be like other couples, celebrating birthdays together out on a date or something, but well i just hope he enjoys his birthday today. heh.
love you baby (:
-
and so , apart from this special day, life goes on. and im home since 2 doing my freaking work. and i cant even go for modern when i have 3 PROJECTS DUE ON FRIDAY. kill me please.-.- lol. zzzzzz. love hate relationship with school. FML.
gonna study now. yes study. lol. byezzzzz. -.-
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
somewhere that i will go, this year.
“Success makes so many people hate you. I wish it wasn’t that way. It would be wonderful to enjoy success without seeing envy in the eyes of those around you.”
“I think if I’ve learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or tired, don’t take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
“You’re patient with me when my mind runs away and all focus is lost.” -thank you baby. <3
“You don’t know what goes on in anyone’s life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can’t be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life.”
this makes me cry all the time. i swear, seriously.
and this is the new shit that gets me all emotional . lol.
i hate it when i doubt myself. its the period where i question myself and i dont really have answers to it. i dont know whats wrong with me and why im feeling this way but all i know is that, i dont feel good bout myself at all. everyone seems to not like me . thats what i feel. and if you dont, just tell me whats wrong?
you can say im sensitive , or whatever but i know that im more sensitive to people's feelings and definitely i observe and note feelings better. however whats the point when i try so hard to bring you back into dance, and all you did was just to push me away? and when you came, i thought you would be there for me . but no, you disappointed me . and you know what? thats just a silent indication that i should stop caring for you. just dont come complaining during the period where everyone's busy with their stuff.
i care too much, even for people who doesnt care bout my existence and i tried hard to fit in. but you know, i read this off somewhere that, a loner doesnt walk alone, he tried to fit in but he cant. im not saying im a loner, i just felt that maybe no one seems to like me at all.
i dont know. im feeling all mixed up and lost. i wonder if im a good dancer, if im actually strong enough now, to hold an item on my own. did gin choose the right person? and i feel some people dont think i should hold an item but well, if you think i shouldnt , just tell me? just dont make me feel as though i dont deserve it and put it across your own face thanks. im just saying this in general so if anyone sees this, just read it with a pinch of salt.
maybe its time to reflect and find out whats wrong with me , because i seriously dont know. all i know is that, i really wanna get out and run away. i wanna go to NY so badly now, i will do anything just to get there. for real.
and now, back to reality. hopefully the movie and dinner with cheer me up a little . and fuck it im not even doing the projects that are due on friday. zz.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
the best and precious things in life is dance and james.
the worse feelings in life is when im maligned and when someone i love doesnt believe in me.
goodnight world.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
alright so im finally am able to blog.
im still alive btw. hahahaaa.
this week was crazy , as per other week. lol. mad rushing for projects. this week, i had my IP and CGC submission. i just had my mediation assessment and i think everything went well! i was really happy with IP cause i really worked hard for it . and its no joke having to format a 34 page report all by yourself, with different people's writing style and jerry's 'no punctuation' sentences. lol. but i kinda like this group though. very cooperative, and hardworking. and mediation was alright today. (: anne's like a certified mediator. LOL.
and so , this week i have my IP test, adv civ pro and twp project submission. not too bad, considering im gonna finish my civ pro . its just the twp thats giving me a headache. zzz. shall see how. (: and im tired. dance everyday, and im so guilty i cant make it for trainings cause of the projects. :( and i seriously felt guilty.
relationship wise, definitely 100 times more guilty LOL. poor boy had to wait for me everyday , and sometimes we dont even get to talk properly! hope his headaches are gone. its driving him crazy and its even worse than me driving him crazy. =x lol. sorry baby , if you're reading this. i love you still. very much . (:
dance wise , FTL 's less than a month away. HAHA. i'll see how i'll throw my face again cause i totally have no time to prepare. and well, no hope seriously. just go there and do what i can already. sorry to my partners this year. hopefully i dont disappoint !
its 1150am now. shall take a short nap before waking up for dance. and damn the period. my back's aching like crazy :(
i'll miss school though. kinda love it now its at the end, where everyone's so nice and friendly towards each other . even the irritating desmond asked me out to chill when i can count with my fingers, the number of times we talked in the whole of 3 years. lol.
gonna concuss now. blog more later !(:
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
why i love talking to my girlfriend - james .
joey . ; popper says: =D I BET I BATHE FASTER THAN YOU.
James says: yes you do omg and something is wrong because girls are supposed to take forever to bathe . LOL .
joey . ; popper says: HAHA to tell you the truth.. .. IM A GUY. HAHAHAHAHA
James says: HAHAHAHA . ASSHOLE . okay show me your dick then . LOL .
joey . ; popper says: I DONT KNOW HOW ITS LIKE-.- WTF.
James says: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WTF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
joey . ; popper says: DAMN YOU. OMG BUSTED-.-
James says: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH LOL REALLY LOL . THIS IS GOING ON YOUR BLOG .
joey . ; popper says: james ritcher. i dare you!
James says: OK .
joey . ; popper says: FUCK. COME BACK LOLOLOL
Saturday, January 16, 2010
this fucking proves my fucking point. i think you were busy getting that someone's attention . and maybe its time for me to care less for you.
you know how sometimes you had so much in your mind and when you're set in penning it down, you lose the feeling completely?
i promise im gonna write . tomorrow. lol. right now, i lost it. too much in the end till i think i should just get my worn out mind on my pillow now.
and at the same time, i feel like im losing you. we're drifting away if you dont realise. i also certainly dont wanna be the one always initiating. =\ and ally, im not talking bout you. lol.
things have changed . i hope you noticed that in yourself.
worrying bout my love now. shoo the headaches away.=\
Friday, January 15, 2010
just when i thought this week's gonna get better, its none better.
lol.
today's a fucked up day. imagine this. you did your project from like 9 plus all the way to 2pm. and you're so happy at 2pm that you're done, you remembered saving your work and you go to the library to print your stuff. then over there, you cant open your file, and when you go somewhere else to print it, you open the file and wow, everything's gone. lol.
that was what happened to me btw. -.- its so bad. i have no fucking idea how come it wasnt there anymore. but surprisingly, i didnt flare up or cry (even though i really want to) LOL. i just merely looked at jerry and ally, and went back to finishing what i've done for the past 5 hours. and mind you, i didnt even stand up to go to the toilet during that 5 hours. i just sat there like some statue, typing and typing. :(
and so anyway, i finished it and handed in by 430pm . not too bad, considering im doing it again. mmm it felt really good after handing up. so brain dead, but satisfied and proud of myself though. just a little disappointed cause i know my original work is so much better than the 2nd round, and ms yu wouldnt know what happened anyway .
studying for CGC now. it sucks when its 30% and almost the whole cohort haven't started cause of all the projects. the teachers should start doing something. lol. and today, arbitration lecture only have 4 students. major embarrassment for mr chia.=x and yeah its because of the projects. LOL.
dance wise is suffering cause of the projects. practically like, do project, go home straight. lol. or even skipping dance just for the fucking projects. :( me dont like. zzz. hopefully, tomorrow would be good. (:
next week's mediation assessment and IP project submission. not too bad, considering that we've started on IP already. lol. and so screwed when we went for our presentation today, UNPREPARED. luckily she asked me something that i know. (:
anyways, i surprised myself today. lol. by not breaking down even though my work was lost 2 hours before project submission.
and there's gonna be more shit to face next week.. endure ! (:
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
To dream that you are crying, signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself. Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and a way to safely let out your fears and frustrations. In our daily lives, we tend to ignore, deny, or repress our feelings. But in our dream state, our defense mechanisms are no longer on guard and thus allow for the release of such emotions.
To wake up crying, represents some suppressed hurt or previous trauma that is coming up to the surface. You can no longer suppress these emotions. They need to be dealt with head on.
okay so these were the 2 major events that happened last week. crazy week, with only one day for me to learn 2 choreos for RPresenting. hahaa. its crazy man. and conclusion is, dont ever try doing that, because you'll just forget your steps on stage . i remembered every step, but when we're up on stage, the feeling's different. LOL.
mainbao's house is awesome. love her room! its like joyce's room. comfy and all. haha gonna stay over at her place if we session late next time=x LOL. and i had so much fun with bren and edi. good comments from glady so we'll just use this piece to join another comp(:
revogue's events are fun as always(: fun at how we do stupid things, how we get serious when its time to , and how we joke bout the choreo and all. costume wise this time.. mmm (: but its good learning experience for me. first time dancing in heels i think. heh and its so difficult! LOL. dress also omgggg. =p
so i rushed off to meet bren and the rest after the event.. so didnt get to eat at noodle house ken and to spend more time with the girls but whatever it is, we're gonna spend more time now LOL concert training's today! pretty excited. heh.
oh and one thing that i remembered. you know, sometimes people could be really judgmental. like, how they would think you're like that but actually people who are with you all the time, dont think so? LOL. yeah so to you, if you think im difficult to work with, keep your comments to yourself because for all i know, the rest were comfortable working with me . lol. so yeah . hold your mouth. (: not angry now, but just amused because i haven't heard such stuff at the moment. lol.
gonna go to school soon. 1 test, 1 project submission and 1 project presentation happening now. (:
bye!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
i've got so much to blog bout ! haha but most probably later at night though. im pretty shagged now after staying awake for more than like 12 hours or more.
had training just now. first performance of the year with revogue (: hee. so excited ! and and im always happy dancing with them. no pressure, no nothing heh.
just realised something though. lol. to make it happen, put in effort. make it work. (:
gonna work hard. broadway dance center <3>
happy 21st birthday Candy(:
the first friend i had in my intern firm, the secretary thats always so nice and fun to be with. the many many stay back during lunch sessions and the bitching session bout the boss. crazy girl that makes many jokes that are totally not funny at all. HAHA. (: hope you liked the bottle of wine and the packet of CANDIES from james. heh.
i had 2 friends that had their 21st . (: im so glad i took the time to go see them even if i didnt stay. i was so bummed out, from dance and all the travelling. and i surprised myself though. haha i didnt imagine i would go look for candy with just one present from james. lol. i think im trying to change, really. attend more parties, meet up with more people who bothers to ask. heh. sorry to andreas today, cause i really overslept. LOL. will go for the next one. heh.
omg this is so fucking funny.
James says: LOL ! hi . my name is James Cullen .
joey . ; popper says: ... HAHAHAHAHA
James says: i have yellow eyes because i don't drink human blood .
joey . ; popper says: BABYYYYYYY! LOLOL
James says: James Cullen sounds sexy .
LOL .
funny asshole. too much twilight. LOL.
exciting year ahead. meanwhile, i need the bed. LOL. <3
Saturday, January 02, 2010
this morning, i had a shock of my life.
Pregnant
To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it.This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal.
pregnant. wtf?!
Friday, January 01, 2010
“What I need is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.” thats me.
currently listening to blondie ; heart of glass. heh. first song of the year !
feeling abit weird this morning.. not much bout the new year thing, but more of like.. i dont wanna bring forward 2009's nonsense to the new year. lol.
last year was a year full of regrets and negativity, with a little tinge of happiness here and there. what left me most dumbfounded and upset was probably because of nicole. things just went downhill for me after she left. =\
but, things like KO night made me really proud of myself. the trainings i went through , to make it to semis, its awesome. thanks jer. heh. and like i had fun towards the end of the year too. (not to mention the really bad parts of december) like, i had a very meaningful christmas eve, a wonderful christmas, and my birthday filled with things i love to do, and with my close friends too.
i have also realised many many bad parts of myself, and people who actually cared. they say, you hurt the people who care for you most, and you're always nice to the wrong persons. i guess thats true for me. hurt many people who cared and cared too much for people who dont. lol. one thing i've learnt through christmas, was that i shouldnt continue living in my tiny hole anymore. step out, know more people. be happy , most of all. (:
i guess my heart's still holding on to some stuff that i should probably let go, since its 2010 already. but no closure when you cant let go right? haha.
relationship wise, i guess i've been the bad person last year. although i tried hard too, i cant seem to satisfy both my friends and the boyfriend. our relationship is tough, and different like others. so if you dont understand our relationship, just keep quiet. hahhaha. things were rocky towards the end . and well, i dont know why but im having a bad feeling things wont work out. mmm. food for thought. should we or should we not? feelings wise, definitely a no change from me. i wonder what bout you. lol.
so moving on to this year,
im pretty determined to be someone better. after all, gonna hit the big '2' already , so might as well step up now. be more mature. less childish. LOL.
dance wise:
really really aiming to achieve something big. main events coming up are FTL and SDD (i hope) and of course TPDE GEMS 5. heh. really looking forward to it. heh. and i really aim to go overseas to pursue dance already. must achieve by this year. its a must !=x and of course more teaching opportunities and shows. heh.
friendship wise:
be more open minded, be more outgoing, no more living in the small hole ! dont reject people's offer unnecessarily. be less sensitive. (: guess sometimes i think, and care too much lol. i wanna get back friends that i had lost touch with. i wanna connect back with people i used to care alot for. (: and of course be a better friend to many who consider i am , to them. hee. especially my girls ! joyce grace maggie serkiat and lynette. will spend more time with you all!
character wise:
be less sensitive is top priority. haha. and be happier. still trying, but its tough. lol. less selfish? and give more to people. heh. less judgmental too. and to be more caring. lol=x also, more importantly, to love myself.
relationship wise:
definitely to treat the boyfriend better. been too selfish the past year. and to love him as much as i could.
- guess thats all. i definitely have much more new year resolutions but we'll see how it goes. (: im gonna graduate this year , so gonna work hard for this last semester!
love to my baby, my friends and everyone. and to myself. heh.
