joycelyn once told me bout the opposite joey that she fears.
and , i think the opposite joey is appearing .

many times i've asked myself,
what do i want from this .
i kept asking .
but i had no answer for it .
all i knew, was that im currently happy,
and thats all it matters.

life's realistic.
you either come prepared, or unprepared.
changes are inevitable.
ive never liked myself changing.
and im trying not to.

but.
do people look at the reasons , or the results to it ?

i've never wanted to hurt you.
never ever.
but if there are things i can alter,
i would.

people bear grudges to problems faced.
even if i've said okay.
but ask yourself.
is that really okay?
i dont know.

the irony of certain things.
makes you think, and wonder why is it like that.
no?

-
great. its 1 more day to KO night.
and my heart is aching.
not that its anyone's fault.
i know its mine.
and it always have been.


im beginning to hate myself even more.

stop doing this.
i hate it very much.

^_^
i love you too .
very very much .
i won't take you for granted ever .
and i'll do what makes you happy .
(:

today's a happy day for baby .
and my spirits lifted up , when i knew he's happy.
(:

and so,
today's a sunday.
went out with the mom.
and she's so random.
wanted to go get a kebaya.
so we went to weird places that she wouldnt visit.
lol.
and it started raining when we reached chinatown.
=\
hate rainy days.
had lunch there, and headed back to orchard .
its like our second home.
-.-

walked around , bla bla .
headed home .
took a nap, and was bout to go online when diana told me baby's already there.
heh.
(:

love my boyfriend very much.

ps. he dreamt of us !
haha.

i love you.
=p

proud of my partner today.
top 4.
(:
and im not gonna disappoint him next sat.
i mean it.
-

feeling a little upset probably.
lol.
thinking of certain issues.
thinking bout life. (again-.-)
thinking why people are like that.
i guess change is inevitable, for everyone.
=x

people should learn to let go.
and not to bear grudges.
somehow i feel,
the reason why people are unhappy is because they think too much ,
and cant let go.
thats why.
=x
sigh.

i need to work hard.
in dance.
no more slacking.
work hard , be hardworking, achieve what i've aimed for.
yes.

work hard, joey.
lol.

feeling damn fucked up now.

body is at the verge of breaking down.

judt get it over and done with.

baby wanted me to blog ,
so here i am.
ahhahaa.
(:

and so,
its another lazy sunday.
went to have lunch @ NYNY.
dope food they have ,
but the serving's CRAZY.
lol.

i think im sick.
=\
i kept sneezing for no reason ,
and i had a headache.
sigh.
so annoying.
lol.

oh and i took 2 days off from dance.
haha.
but guess what.
subconsciously,
i watched dance vids on my ipod.
lame-.-

heh.
so school's starting on wed.
(:
gonna start dancing tomorrow.
LOL.

okay nothing to talk bout anymore.
(:
bye!

what the fuck.
i had the scariest dream in my life.
-.-

wtf wtffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff.
i went to research on it ,
and dreams dictionary showed me this.


Die

To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. Although such a dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.

On a negative note, to dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation.

To see someone dying in your dream, signifies that your feelings for that person are dead or that a significant change/loss is occurring in your relationship with that person. Alternatively, you may want to repress that aspect of yourself that is represented by the dying person.



and everyone knows im afraid of death.
fuck,
i saw myself die.
-.-
wtf wtf wtffffffffff.


zzz.

did a show for sony on wednesday.
interesting experience.
had fun , had insight of corporate world.
know things arent that simple as what you thought.
and all the little details here and there.

met oli , from funkamania.
came to be emcee for this show.
and nice people from sony like karina and roland.
people should get that mp3.
i think its good for us dancers, although the gb isnt that high .
-

i know im the cause of everything,
im the cause of your unhappiness,
im the cause of you being tired,
im the cause of everything unpleasant.
but all i wished,
is for you to be happy.
and maybe im not the one who could do that anymore.

giving up something you love , is heartwrenching.
makes your heart ache.
its like, giving up dancing to me .
i dont want that to happen ,
and i would gladly exchange for the thing that you loved,
for what you enjoyed, way before we met.
and im sorry , i cant be the one that could revive it,
although i really wished i was the one.


we're going against the flow for 9 months.
going against whatever thats coming to us .
time , distance , commitments.
and each time a month passes,
it marks something new , and relief for me .
and im glad.
because we still love each other.

now?
i dont know.
future?
i dont know.

i dont want to be a burden.

my heart feels so painful now.

i felt so much better now.
it seemed like i had a huge load of my shoulders.

today passed by slowly.
i couldnt really focus , while i was watching the movie,
i didnt have a really good appetite today.

all because of you.

sorry love.
for making you upset.

i love you very much .
smile for me ?
(:

and im glad james is better.
dont like arguing with him ,
cause the scary side of him surfaces.
and it frightens me .
LOL
.


anyway ,
i still love him .
haha.

(:

i dont know what to do.

thats why i chose to run away from it.

MAJOR PHOTOS UPDATE(:

1. Batam trip ; bethedsa orphanage(:

ps. thats the caretaker's daughter, keshia . she has a sister called KEVIN=X

2. doggies outing on monday @ east coast with joyce chin and nel (:

boogle, lucky, viki and milky(:

ps. boogle, joyce's dog.(:

viki! nel's dog(:


3. TPDE GEMS 4 ; FAIRY OUR TALE(:

diana !

iris !

joyce, chin and nel !

gin , joey, eulene and estee!

step sister's scene(:

nicole applying bling bling on my face LOL.

(:

me and modern dancer! ( i dont know her name=x)

this is seriously candid. LOL.

i looked like some small girl . hahahaa . MEIQI DOPE!

party scene during rehearsal(:

hahaha that person on extreme left dont look like me =x

me joyce chin and stef! (:

RYAN RYAN RYAN!

dope man who never fails to inspire me to do better (:

juniors hakeem and serene (:

RYAN AGAIN !

(: HEE.

RAAZMY TAN !(:

another person that i look up to, very much .

REVOGUE!=DDD

nel nel and me (:

partner for 'touch me' lolol

hakeem !

partner for waltz scene (:

junior lavone (:

xiangying and carryn !(:

dope modern dancers!

SAMANSARII!(:

HIPHOP 2(:

TPDE SENIORS!

junior sha sha (:

junwei!

partner for floorthelove, and locking .(:

junior aty(:

my boyfriend have just changed my facebook status from single to MARRIED.
lolol.
silly james.
(:
and yes, if you looked at his blog.
he announced that im going to marry him.
lol
thats when he proposes to me . LOL!

happy 7th baby !
9 MONTHS ALREADY !
OMG SO OLD. LOL.
(:
still loving you as before, sweetheart.
=p

i love you (:

gems 4. (:

its really really dope.
(:
i've never ever felt so happy when i dance,
and this time i really felt in from the bottom of my heart.
also, its truly the first time i smiled genuinely on stage .
(:

the first day wasnt so good for me i felt.
lol.
its like, i felt like i didnt prepare well for it, and i forgot my steps-.-
lame to the max.
hahaa.
but still, i think everyone was okay . just that maybe a little demoralised due to the crowd.
and speaking of the audience, its crap.
some of the feedback they gave hahahaha.
but owell.
(:
and i really loved the battle scene .
its so fun !
hahahaa.
-

yesterday was good too.
not too good when we had our rehearsals.
things cropped up along the way , but like what ryan/gin says .
its a sign of good things to come .
(:
and the show was good.
good comments.
im very suprised when daniel came up to me and said well done , and im good.
felt really happy.
there were other compliments too, haha.
and my popping improved. which im very happy about .
=x
and also,
i felt my acting improved.

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its a really good production . gonna continue this after i get photos.
now, i just need to catch some sleep.
im feeling dizzy now.
LOL.
night night!(:

today's the day (:

im proud of everyone !
we've made it this far.
and like what ryan have said earlier, the stage is now ours.
(:
the stage is set, and the audience are waiting .
lets blow them away !

ps. go poppers !
(: