haha my boyfriend misses my entries.

lol.

so here i am ,

typing this for him.

(:



i was reading up on our past archives ,

on how we first met each other.

such a bittersweet memory(:



its really interesting how we got together and im sure it would be a big hit if its on the cinemas.

LOL.

=x



im loving God everyday,

and im still doing so .

(:



i love my boyfriend,

(and yes im mentioning you now so dont feel disappointed hahahaa)

(and i know youre smiling now)

LOL.

and im so excited.

just a few more weeks to seeing him.

please,

just let him come down safely.

lol.





i love you baby.

and um , our son.

HHAHAA.



<3

repentance.

today's follow up lesson was on repentance.

it was hard to let other people know of your sins,
but yet its a relief when you told your leaders bout it .
being transparent isnt that bad after all(:

its hard to forgive when there isnt closure.
and right now , im trying to let these strongholds go away.
its hard, but with Father's guidance i know i can do it.
(:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

happy birthday my boy !
(:

i love you .
and i always do(:

<3

love.

you know , as they say,

when your heart belongs to someone , its near impossible for you to find someone else to replace that person.

and i was just sitting on bed thinking ,

and i realised that what kept me going was how much we loved each other throughout these years.

and that will never change.

i still love you very much, like day one .

<3

there are so much thoughts in my mind that i simply dont know where to start.

problems with family, relationship, myself..

but somehow whenever i wanna write it down , the thoughts always disappears.
zzz.

pastor Joakim once shared this with the congregation.
that, we must have forgiveness in our hearts , so that God can forgive us of our sins. for once, i really thought that i will forgive her. but its so difficult when there is no closure in the first place lol.

and he also shared the vision of evangelism.
and somehow i watched this show on tv today , bout some unfortunate people out there and how people from all over the country come together and help them .

there is this old lady who is so old , and is visually impaired. but instead of being all sappy bout it , she actually told the volunteers that she didnt want anything . she just wanna do something to help all the people out there. when i watched her episode on tv, it struck a chord in my heart. like how she is an Activist for God , (be it whatever her religion was) and there was just so much faith and hope in her that other people's lives would be better, if they looked forward in life like how she does. she's such a courageous woman , and i feel ashamed that i havent been helping the poor and needy. lol.

and sometimes people are just too busy to notice the small details that are going on in our lives. just like me , as i was sitting down at the couch to have breakfast, i didnt notice how happy my grandma can get when she talks on the phone with someone , i didnt notice how many boxes i actually have in the living room. all this just happens, when i had more time to spare .

actually i dont know whats the purpose in saying all those lol. i just feel like ranting away and i just need to talk to someone. but nobody's free so here i am , writing all these down lol.

im a sensitive person. i need to feel loved all the time because i never got that ever since my parents divorced. and when i get pushed to a corner, i will snap and shut everyone out .
so , dont blame me if i shut you out too. =x

okay nothing much to say already. lost the mood. lol.

Juste Debout Singapore Vol. 1

my comp is down at the moment ..
so i wont be able to post much . lol.

anyway !

Juste Debout tomorrow !
omg super excited ,
especially after seeing Michael's partner for House.
lol.

and .
its super disappointing to see how dancers are reacting to this international event .
come on people.
its Juste Debout .
not some random competition that has fucked up prizes .
its JUSTE DEBOUT.

and i really think as a dancer,
if u dont even know whats the main dance events around the globe,
you can seriously shoot yourself.

support the dance scene.
if you as a dancer in singapore, cant support the local community ,
i dont see how you can rave bout other competitions over the world through the net.
cause this time,
its brought to you live by people who are in this community.
i dont really see what other events or matters can really hold you up from this one .
and i think ,
its time for the dancers to be gaining exposure from such events.

big thank you to zhiming .
this guy sacrificed probably like his whole life savings on this event .
so if u consider yourself a sg dancer,
u should prolly think if u wanna be stuck in your little bubble,
or go out and see this event , and be awed by the dope dancers around the world.

im not specifically aiming anyone ,
but in case you feel a little tug in your heart bout what i've just said ,
good luck.
do some self reflection .
(:

ps.
baby i miss you!
<3

im starting to be so dependent on you that im starting to hate myself for that.

stop.

quotes.

i have been reading this book called 'words that matter' by the Oprah magazine and its amazing how this tiny book could actually make me feel all inspired and beautiful inside. you know, when you feel all demoralized and shitty bout everything thats going in this world, its good to find this kind of inspirational books and have a read. (:

' i know now that a relationship built on real love feels good. it isnt selfish ; it doesnt cause you anxiety. when someone loves you, he understands that youre lovable just because you're here. how he treats you underscores that understanding' - Oprah.

'if you are in love.. that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone . dont let anyone make it small or light to you.' -John Steinbeck, Author.

'our capacity to love often depends on having a good childhood - not a great one, just good enough.' Ethel Person, medical doctor and psychoanalyst.

and what i realised bout life, is that we always judge people. we always judge people on the cover. we dont really know the person , and although their actions reflect what we judge, i think its not right. after all, we're all God's children . its just that we're born in different situations , born in different families with different environment . so who are we to judge and say we know their situation? but of course, every single one has that little judgmental streak in us . (:

just a random thought.

enjoy your saturday!

lynette's VERY early bday celebration !

its really heartwarming to see how much the boyfriend have done for her..

(:

but at the same time..

the venue is like...

LOL.

(:

love this girl.

yesterday's gathering made me realised that im very much blessed with this group of friends that will stick with me through thick and thin , and will never say goodbye to me ever.

(:

i love you girls !

my first CG meeting .

i had my very first CG meeting today.

(:

was really in a pissy mood and feeling all edgy but as i started worshipping and praying to my Father, i feel so much better. i didnt know why, or maybe its just that i haven gotten over what happened yesterday. lol.

so anyway today's meeting was really powerful. i felt so much and honestly, i think God talks to me through people. just when i had a bad day yesterday, He told me to believe in Him and not let situations pull me down. (: i must always always remember that.

i think i've changed quite abit , after getting saved. im not quite like the person i was before. im pretty sure its more on the positive side . but somehow , my confidence in dance dropped tremendously. just like for class today, i feel so inferior, so ugly. like im not like what i used to be . being called out might seem to people that im good enough in the instructor's eyes , but i got called after he played the music. maybe he was just being kind in putting me there. i dont wanna assume , but i seriously feel i just began dancing , and i felt really lousy.

you know , its really hard to stay positive all the time ? like how i told myself that i've just picked up dancing again and i shouldnt expect too much . but each time i go to a class, i sense the regret in me , like why didnt i dance in that 6 months? i lost so so so much. like a part of me was really gone.

then the technical part and the comparison kicks in. like how i feel that im not technically strong anymore and how some people improved so much that i felt so lousy. and then the Devil just had to step in and remind me of all the regrets i had. zzz.

my dream is still to be a dancer full time . i never gave up, i just put it on hold . but now is the time i guess. how long must i take to achieve? i dont know , but i know God has everything planned out for me , and if it doesnt work out then i cant do anything , can i? lol.

it feels good typing here again . at least i feel a small mountain lifting up from my shoulders. (:

i do not want to be the best. i just want to be good enough for God and to live up to my expectations.

and today , i didnt live up to mine .

lol.

nevermind , try again . just like today's class. the lyrics goes something like.. 'dust it off , try again '.

yes maybe its okay. i just have to dust it off , and try hard again.

(:

hope my baby's feeling better today

(:

gonna go off now. long post today. heh.

<3

2011.

i realised that as you grow older, the sentences you type are more perfect ,

and it gets longer.

i also realised that, as you grow older, colorful blogskins and fanciful prints on your blog,

dont seem to matter anymore. Minimalistic is the 'in' thing.

what i also realised, that as you grow older , you become more mature and seem to care lesser for people who stepped out of your life.

people come and go .

what a sad and realistic life we lead.

lol.