my first CG meeting .

i had my very first CG meeting today.

(:

was really in a pissy mood and feeling all edgy but as i started worshipping and praying to my Father, i feel so much better. i didnt know why, or maybe its just that i haven gotten over what happened yesterday. lol.

so anyway today's meeting was really powerful. i felt so much and honestly, i think God talks to me through people. just when i had a bad day yesterday, He told me to believe in Him and not let situations pull me down. (: i must always always remember that.

i think i've changed quite abit , after getting saved. im not quite like the person i was before. im pretty sure its more on the positive side . but somehow , my confidence in dance dropped tremendously. just like for class today, i feel so inferior, so ugly. like im not like what i used to be . being called out might seem to people that im good enough in the instructor's eyes , but i got called after he played the music. maybe he was just being kind in putting me there. i dont wanna assume , but i seriously feel i just began dancing , and i felt really lousy.

you know , its really hard to stay positive all the time ? like how i told myself that i've just picked up dancing again and i shouldnt expect too much . but each time i go to a class, i sense the regret in me , like why didnt i dance in that 6 months? i lost so so so much. like a part of me was really gone.

then the technical part and the comparison kicks in. like how i feel that im not technically strong anymore and how some people improved so much that i felt so lousy. and then the Devil just had to step in and remind me of all the regrets i had. zzz.

my dream is still to be a dancer full time . i never gave up, i just put it on hold . but now is the time i guess. how long must i take to achieve? i dont know , but i know God has everything planned out for me , and if it doesnt work out then i cant do anything , can i? lol.

it feels good typing here again . at least i feel a small mountain lifting up from my shoulders. (:

i do not want to be the best. i just want to be good enough for God and to live up to my expectations.

and today , i didnt live up to mine .

lol.

nevermind , try again . just like today's class. the lyrics goes something like.. 'dust it off , try again '.

yes maybe its okay. i just have to dust it off , and try hard again.

(:

hope my baby's feeling better today

(:

gonna go off now. long post today. heh.

<3