FUCKED UP POST.

raining inside my heart.
ever since sunday .

im affected because its my 18th.
just when i thought i could spend my birthday with my friends,
dad dropped a bomb and said i have to go.
the contradicting thing?
before that,
he said that its okay that i dont go.
just celebrate my birthday earlier.
and after a few days,
he insisted that i go.
wtf?
why do people always go back on their words?

great.
so now,
im not in town from 25(night)-29th .
4 fucking days.
which i wont enjoy cause im being forced to go.
and i hated that.
i have projects.
selfish.
i hate selfish people.

its not bout dad wanting to spend time with me.
its the fact he went back on his word.
if he says no, have to go in the first place ,
im fine.
its the fact that he agreed, and WENT BACK ON HIS WORD.
that got me so pissed.
and that got me crying for a whole day-.-
tears of anger and disappointment.
and great,
we're not talking.
how nice does that sound?
-

you might say i didnt put myself in my father's shoes.
but its my 18th.
never once on my birthday,
i celebrated with my friends.
its always early , or later.
now, all i want is just to stay here.
is that so difficult to ask for?
-

im still fucking sore whenever i think of it.
and to anyone who tells me ,
'celebrate earlier or later, when ure back.'
u seriously dont understand.
what i matter most is the date.
i always wait long for my birthday.
once every year.
nevermind.
my birthday always get neglected ,
because its the latest ,
and probably everyone would be too occupied with projects that they will forget mine.
it happened to me before.

imagine waiting for your birthday,
only to realise u are going somewhere against ur wishes,
and with a truckload of projects u have to do.
and going away for 4 days
can cost u alot of time to catch up.
zzz.

-

i dont know why im so anal about this.
it happened on sunday.
and im still affected by it.
im sorry,
but i cant help it.
-

what a wonderful year to end off.
injuries and endless arguments with family.
and now?
pointless birthday at malaysia,
where im being forced, and am going for the sake of going.
thank you dad.
my best present ever.
especially when im 18.
fuck.

-

dont read the above ,
if u dont wanna hear my ranting.
-

im studying now.
but the thought of this,
just made me write everything down
subconsciously.

-

i want to stay, not only because of projects
but because i wanna be here with my friends, my loved ones.
my family is a bunch of people who dont understand.
dont tell me they do, because i know them.
self centred people who never asked me once,
'hows school, how is your day, do u have enough to spend, have u eaten'.
they dont.

-
i know that <3 might not be able to come down ,
im fully aware bout that.
but all i wanted to do,
is to wait here for him.
im sorry that i spoilt the suprise,
but im hoping i could see you on my birthday.
that would be the best present ever.
but now,
my dad gave me a fucking good one.
nothing can beat that.

-

im hurting , and filled with anger inside.
i cant release it.
whatever it is,
its been an unpleasant year.
especially december 2008.

bye.