i have such a problematic family ,
i wonder why am i not checked into a counselling center , or am in rehab.

at these moments,
i really wonder if i had the guts to kill myself.

dysfunctional family,

mother thats so selfish , you can hardly find another one that can beat her to that,

a grandma that can nag non stop, bringing in irrelevant facts, and can go crazy for so long ,
is a record.

all the bitches in the family,

fuck you.


i pity my boyfriend and future husband.
having to deal with such a problematic girl,
i think im better off being single.
so that i dont burden another .
-.-

really feel like jumping down now.

im fucking this close to saying goodbye to everyone .
dont push it.

insecure.

just freaking insecure.

its okay.
endure.


this week.
whats the ending?


im scared.
yet not losing faith.

why?
what to do?

i dont know.
im scared.



lost.

i didnt know i irk you so much .


all i asked for , is you to look from my point of view.


people dont give you second chances .
they fucking dont .
and they never ever cared how u feel.

i love you.

happy v day .
not.




5th year straight . facing the loneliness and pretending to be happy seeing couples on the streets.

Dont Let Me Go .

I can see your shadow lying in the moonlight
I can hear your heartbeat playing on my right side
Every night I long for this, makin' up what I miss
I can hear you breathing letting out a sad sigh

You tried so hard to hide your scars
Always on your guard

Don't, don't let me go
Don't make me hold on when you're not
Don't, don't turn away
What can I say so you wont
No don't, don't let me go...

I can see the skyline fading in the distance
Tears are comin' down
I'm trying just to make sense
I don't listen to the radio just the engine and the road
I wonder if my words are makin' any difference

I dream and then it seem to end
But always come again

I'm comin' down
To where you're standing
I need you now or you'll be watchin'
Me hit the ground
With crashing in...

Don't let me go...
Don't let me go...


what i need ,
is just you to love me .

love you baby.

i am so worried ,

i think im gonna call the cops if youre here by midnight .

or at least your store.

7th

sunday morning rain is falling ...
steal some color , shed some skin ..
clouds are ...
feel the mood that i am in ..

lol.
just felt like listening to sunday morning .
beautiful song .
just that its a monday lol.


2 years 6 months .
although things have changed , mistakes have been made ,
i still dare to say i love this guy alot and im very sure of that.
so please dont tell me to choose someone else or something like that.
cause ,
ultimately i want you , baby.

i love you very much .
i've never regretted all of this..
i hope you dont .

forever loved by me baby.


<3

you have no fucking idea how heartbroken i am now.

fucking crying like a loser,
sighing to myself ,
fucking loser.

it never pays to be good.
no matter how you love someone.

i loved someone so much only to be treated like thrash.

well done joey.

was at the wedding lunch earlier .

pretty short reception , but its okay overall.

lol.

beautiful bride , funny groom.



didnt scatter the flowers towards the couple lol.

cant bring myself to.





and i was still thinking how my wedding would be like .

lol.

how fucking naive.



i should just forget bout the wedding shit.

remain single.

lol.



thats what i want from the start anyway.

nothing i do would be enough to make up for anything .

lol.

i feel so sad and whatever inside,
i just wanna curse out loud.

last time.





i am only human.