dearest nicole bim .

words might not fully express how i feel right now, towards you . my heart feels like its aching really badly. and i need you to be here to send me that msg that goes ' cheer up okay? i'll see u in sch tmr xoxo :) HAHA'

seeing those people at the wake, from all different parts of your life somehow feels heartwarming. they say, you cant see your own funeral . but i just wanna tell you, if you're listening that everyone who loved you came. and its so many until the traffic police had to come. awesome right babe?

i am now looking at that booklet , with your name and your smiley face staring right back at me. i admired you , nicole. for you always had that smile ready for anyone , and anywhere. i admired you for being that 'perfect' person, with that perfect personality. its hard to dislike you, you know? i always remember you as the friendly girl . the one who introduced yourself to me during yr 2.

you've changed me in some way , nicole. to me, friendly is you. bubbly is you. no one can beat that . some people say im bubbly. but i dont think so anymore, because when i look at you, i realised you are the one. not me.

'i dont need answers to what happened. only God needs to know because he is big enough and has the ability to do something bout it .' this was what the pastor said just now. i think its true. but at some point, i wished i had the ability to do something bout it too.

i will always remember the 'will-you' questions we always ask each other. like, 'will you marry a computer geek or a nerd?' and i'll always find something to ask too. i still remember that last picture. we were asking each other bout some questions and talking bout boyfriends. do you remember , nicole?

no more burping , no more bubbly nicole anymore.

im preparing a gift for you . its in my head. the movements to the song that i've chosen for you. i might not have the necessary techniques, but trust me , it all comes from my heart.

may you dance among the angels , and look down upon me as a guardian angel for i lost a friend, but gained a guardian angel in return .

you can see from this post that i missed you very much nicole. and im keeping you in my personal diary. locked up , and engraved in my heart .

xoxo.