i'm ready (:

many times in my dance life, i often felt lost and not knowing how to go on about what i wanna achieve. and many times , i felt really defeated and burnt out by my own expectations, and the goals that i've set .

probably its a good thing i've realised things that i dont , before. and im definitely much clearer in terms of how i wanna go about doing it . lol. (:

im not a planner. i dont like to plan things , on what i should do today .
but i guess i need to learn .
i cant have james helping me to plan out my life too, can i ? =x

i know i've felt lost for a very long time .
even in popping , i've lost the path in front of me.
everything seemed bleak, and dark. and i dont know what i was doing back then.
up till now.
but . i think im starting to see clearer.
the mist had probably subsided.
(:

i think , i grew lazy.
many times, people learn to defend themselves.
its more like, ' nah , this is crap. i know im not like that. its not im lazy . its that, i dont have time'.
i dont deny that i used this to defend myself sometimes.
probably an ego/esteem thing .
but its time i learn to stop putting the shield around me , and go out there.
challenge myself, put myself in danger.

people change.
i've changed , definitely.
perspective of dance is always changing .
it comes to a point for me , where dancing to win doesnt matter anymore.
again, i dont deny i used to think that way .
but i know now.
there's still a long way for me to go.
but i know for sure, i've never ever stopped loving dance .
dance , in the form of itself.
and not tagged with power, status, achievements.

and im still learning to let go.
its probably the most vulnerable part of me.
fucking tough .
lol.

wonder why im writing all these down?
haha.
i spent the whole day with my love.
watching videos.
dance movie.
getting inspired all over again .
going gaga over the bboys and poppers like how some kids react to zac efron or whatever.
a day of self discovery once more
(:

bboying is dope.
planet bboy really inspired me .
and watching KOD on youtube .
haha.
i like ichigeki , but i think they retired already .
lol.
and of course last for one . caught them last year at esplanade.
bboy zero-nine(:

i think phase-t is dope too.
and i think its really nice to see how parents were supportive of them in breaking .
and how their parents learnt how much it is to them.
i wished my dad would understand too.
so i dont have to keep covering up my tracks in dance.
it gets tiring , once in a while.
lol.
but similarly , i wont give up , till they see how much it meant to me (:

anyway.
im ready (:
fresh, recharged.
and welcome home, joey.
you've found your way home .


ps. im glad james is a bboy .
haha.=x