sometimes i really wonder if im as strong as i set out to be .
i dont know what im feeling now .
maybe lost. upset. confused.
whatever.

im tired of feeling this way each time it is ended.
the feeling of lost.
not knowing where to proceed on, not knowing whats wrong with me.
and how do i express myself.
i felt withdrawn, reserved still.
i felt like i dance with no soul.
but i tried.
i really did.

but i failed.

-

dance have become a major part of my life.
probably to the extent of losing myself if dance is not with me.
i seek comfort in it, and it keeps me sane.
and lit provides me with love too.
in which i dont receive alot.
from my family especially.

im upset because i know i didnt get what he wanted in that piece.
i felt wrong.
like im holding back.
and fuck i dont know what and why im holding back for.
as i walked home,
i felt sad but i cant cry.
something is preventing me from crying .
preventing me from letting go.

is the source coming from my problems or what?
i need to know.
=\

-

i dont know if its freaky or what.
i did this tarot card reading on msn.com.
and then wednesday's card shows the old man with a stick holding a lamp.
and it says i should slow myself down, and think about what are my goals that i've set.
i think its true. because im losing my goals in sight.

need to recharge myself later.

-

thanks baby, for listening.
you know i dont open up to people,
even to you when we were together initially.
and i'll try to be the fighter you think i am.
i'll try.