i woke up at 6am.
and asked myself if that is really what i wanted.
-

went to osch in the morning.
it was supposedly modern training.
but ..
-

had a chat with ryan.
he told me alot of things.
i told him what are my probs.
and what i really want.
tt goes for joyce too.

and he said little.
but it meant alot.

' my definition of commitment is different.
not able to come for training = does not mean nt committed'

when he said that,
tears welled.

' as long at the end of the day, u produce wad i want,
and u r commited in modern, we can work things out.
we can always arrange the time.'

again, tears welled.

' dont stress! you look so stress! only i can be the one who is stressed! '

he smiled.
we smiled.
but.
im crying silently inside.
-

finally someone understood what i really meant.
just the few words alone,
and it made me cry.

he understands.
and i wont disappoint him.

' since u cant come training today, then why u come down just to tell me all this?'

and this is what i said.

' it is precisely i cant come for training, and i felt bad, tts why i came down to tell you personally.'

and he said, ; ' i appreciated it. really.'

and tt made me smile.

and this lasted me for almost the whole bus ride home.
:)