it started out as a really better-than-normal day.
after dinner, everything went bad.
just tell me , why do bad things always happen to me ?

its not my fault,
i dont take sides.
why is it that after 18 years, you still dont understand me ?
am i that difficult to read?
or is it that you dont even bother to?

i hate crying after every single shit like this happens.
i hate crying over the fact that i get accused/misunderstood.

apparently you dont know me.
after 18 years.

you know nuts bout my life.

i want this so badly now.

LOL. its been a week since i've blogged. so busy , so tired everyday.

i haven been dancing for a week already. felt so weird, like its so not me ! i wanna dance after work, but its becoming so tiring . i have no idea why its like that.

work is so far so good. just very busy and occupied. been doing my work like ive been asked to. lol. oh and i went to court yesterday. pretty boring actually but its fun (: learnt more and saw new stuff. (: going back on friday again for judgment. yayyyy.

been heading home after work everyday for this week. it felt so weird. like, no aim no nothing. the only thing i wanna go home for is baby . nothing else. but when we talk, time passes fast and its back to the same old routine again. i really hope sip ends really soon. cant take it .=x

so its a saturday afternoon . wanted to head out to watch movie with ally and shijie but i guess i'll give it a miss. shall stay home, relax abit and have some 'me' time.

candy's leaving in a week's time ! omg work's gonna get worse than now. SIGH.

APPENDIX D(:

its been a long process with this group of people. heh . many arguments , many disappointments with different people and of course many fun times with each other. heh. its all over now though. im happy that its over because ive learnt , and i know more bout what im lacking of and what i need to improve on. and seeing so many talents out there really enforces the fact that i really need to buck up and improve.

im thankful to each and every one in the group that made the finals possible , i thank for all the support and encouragment each one gave to each other. it does not mean that we're weak. im sure we'll be going to battlegrounds sooner or later. its just a matter of time. (:

i believe that its a fucked up week especially for andy and me , but its all over now. no more training after work, no more squeezing and racing against time to get to smu or tp anymore. and no more smelly people on bus 857 anymore. lol.

its all back to training once again . need to start thinking bout my directions again. what am i looking for now, what do i wanna achieve once again. withdrawal symptoms are here. lol. upcoming events would be FTL and funkamania. lol.

i desperately wanna leave this place and start training like crazy without having to worry bout anything. i wanna succeed , i wanna be good. i dont wanna be stuck in a rut, being stagnant and constantly getting compared with others. i just wanna dance and achieve what i aimed for. i dont wanna get a C when i can aim for an A.

honestly, there are alot of insecurities and unhappiness inside me . somehow when i want to pen it down here , i have to think bout alot of factors. so tiring. i know im not happy and nothing's helping.

i must learn not to be too sensitive. strangely, im not like that in the past. i wonder what happened.

i want some time to myself. to think, to revaluate .

-

zzz i feel so sucky ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why why why wtf wtffffffffffff. neh neh so irritatinggggggg i feeel like ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh basketball bitches bastards wtfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff okay continue later..

wtfffffffffffffffffffff.....=.=

its the finals later omggg.
im so nervous and worried and scared right now.
confidence was shattered just now while marking the stage sigh.

im thankful for the chance to dance with this group of people i dont dance with all the time.
and i believe that we've been through alot of shit esp this week.
lol.

i hope for the best.

-

and to you.

im not upset. if you're really tired, just go.

i feel like crap now.

post to myself.

haven't been blogging much.
am so tired every single day . honestly its tough handling SIP and dance together.
with work everyday, waking up at bloody 6am . its freaking tough.

i miss james, i missed talking long with him.
all i could do, is just to come home, talk for like 30 mins with him before i go. and i have to endure all the shit in the morning and night before his precious 30 mins with me.

and im feeling damn fucked up over issues and issues that ive been trying to get over it. it always surfaces. and stop fucking make me feel im being ignored. honestly. stop making me feel insignificant.

whatever.

and i broke down today while waiting for the bus alone at the bus stop. you all have no freaking idea how tired, how lonely i felt at that moment because u guys have your partners around so in case i get compared , im just ranting here.

whatever again. im just gonna go off now. fuck .

ps. i get really cranky when i dont have enough sleep so just ignore this post.

im sorry for everything . if that makes you feel better baby.

oh man i feel so . . . :(

SIP

its finally friday. its been a pretty intense 3 days in SIP. not that its bad, but i think im adapting to it pretty well. sounds bimbotic, but i've learnt to fax, print, scan documents , edit letters that's non related to what we've studied in school. and my boss is definitely kind enough to throw me so much work till it feels like time passes really fast every single day. oh and she made me feel like i've been there for at least a week . LOL. did i mention that she's leaving for UK tomorrow for a week ? =p

although the working environment isnt exactly v enjoyable, im still thankful for the boss's secretary for being so friendly to me after a day of warming up , and the 3 other coursemates ! i meet vanny every morning to go to work together, we go for lunch together and its so fun talking to each other bout the day and the people around us. pretty exciting stuff. (:

on the other hand , there are interesting figures in the law firm. like eccentric lawyers, pretty but not very nice secretaries and very friendly and helpful staff ! and a very funny accent-lawyer. i laugh to myself each time he speaks.=x my boss is very hip. me like !

on the other hand, the period's here. somehow theres no PMS this month . but i feel the emotional stuff coming during the period. sigh. i feel sucky now actually. like i feel terrible bout the state my boyfriend's in and yet im so fucking helpless . and how i felt bout everything. im just trying to keep it all inside. hopefully it will go away soon.

feel irritated, feel sad, feel that im very independent and strong even though i talk to james for like only 2 hrs a day. feel fucking hurt cause i have a boyfriend but he's not beside me like how joyce and frank , sam and kw , nicole and hazrul are so into each other. not your fault, love if you're reading this. argh i think im just ranting shit.

its so draining after work. i've never slept on a bus till i almost fell off my seat. lol. but its cool. everything's cool.

i love my baby. hope we're strong enough to get over this obstacle now. :(

so busy at work. everything so far so good.

i miss my boyfriend goddamn much.

sigh. :(

BOO !
james is here again .
to surprise you .
it's been a long time since i've been here .
woooooooooooooot .
happy happy 7th .
(:
14 months and still going strong .
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH JOEY RITCHER .
your surname has been upgraded .
nice .
OKAY i'm not really sure on what to say now .
hahahahaha .
all i know is i love you ! yay !
^_^

love ,
JOEY'S TINOSAUR REX .
<3

its the 7th ! (:

HAPPY 7TH BABY !

our 14th month together, despite not seeing each other in person , not touching each other, not hearing each other's voice before, not hanging out together before.

funny how love seems to surround us . (:

i love you(:

okay so for everyone's information , my computer is down at the moment . so i cant come online , unless i go to school to use the computer. and here i am , in the school's library with 26 mails for the past 2 days. LOL.

so far, everything's fine . just that i dont have time for the boyfriend and that makes both of us very upset. i dont know what to do, because i cant do anything bout it now.

suntec's going great. i can see some light and hope out of it . hopefully everything will go as planned. and yeah i pretty like our image. lol.

solo isnt good. especially when my computer broke down . so im like , left with the song choices in my mp3. zzzz. im not hoping to get into the next round already. just dance. (:


SIP's coming . im so NOT looking forward to it seriously. hell knows what im actually going to do. zzz . nevermindddddddd keep an open mind . LOL.

okay gonna search for our costumes later. its gonna be good i know. heh.


byeeee.=x