moving on.

to a new place.

dont have the heart to use this blogspot anymore.

i am so heartbroken no one can understand how much i've gone through.

i will never believe in you again.
all these 3 years of love.

what is it?
its all a pack of lies.
all lies .

shame on myself for letting myself into this situation.
malicious people .


fuck you all.

love is something that all of us cant explain ..

it brings us joy, sadness, hurt, and the butterfly feeling in our tummy each time we think of that person.
(:

yes i might not have a very good life,
i might not be the happiest person around.

but.

the thought of that one person makes me happy.
and i feel like im the luckiest person in the world.

people say you lead your own life like how you want it to be .
you dont have to account to anybody of anything.

i know i want this guy , and no matter what happens,
i never regretted once .
(:

james,
i love you.
it doesnt matter if we're far apart,
because we know we have each other in our hearts.
you changed me so much ..
and i want to be with you forever.
(:

i love you baby.
3 years and 1 month.
going stronger than before.
(:


<3

breaking down every single minute.

2nd time im seeing myself dead.

i really wish im dead now.

maybe its time .

im tired.

i lost the will to survive.

just choosing the day i will finally let go of everything and disappear.

then,

everybody will be happy.

maybe they will be sad.

but time heals.

i know i would be forgotten.

its okay,

my needs and thoughts were never known anyway.

goodbye.

might be the last time i post here.

might not?

we'll see.

nobody cares.

never will.

only a matter of time people sees this.

till then its too late.

today,

i see myself sitting on a chair .
with a razor blade, cutting through my wrist.
bright red blood flowing through my hand.
the light-headedness.
amazing.

i see the ambulance.
i said my goodbyes.
i see my brother calling.

i hear my name pronounced dead.
i wandered around.

i disappeared from your lives.
i wondered what happens after that.

we are not letting go ..

and we probably would not.


it will never end .


i will not let it end..

left heartbroken and alone again.

there's nothing much i wanna say here..

but i just wanna let everyone know..

that it doesnt matter if your boy/girl is here or not.
ultimately what is most important ,

is that boy/girl is always in your heart.
(:


and that said ..

my boy is always in my heart.


<3 you my prince ;)

hey sweetie(: heh. its been such a long time i posted something here. (: i love you. (: and i wanna be your wife. hopefully you'll come for me soon. so then u'll get to hold my hand! and we'll have our naughty time together;p heh. i love you with all my heart. (:

lost hope and faith in people who dont make an effort to chase after me. well done.

it feels all so familiar..

the stress for concert,
the lonely feeling ,

the whole courtship.

i am now alone ..
must learn to cope.

i can do this.
(:

how much do you need me , really?

i am really changing.


Thank you God , for the fun-filled life.
and the wonderful people you have planted in my life.

i love You.
(:

just like the way i used to be ..

still very much in love with you.

a deep sense of connection nobody else would understand ...

<3

yeah yeah yeah.

just not care.

forget bout her.

she's old. how many more years to go?


why is it that people always forget how much i've suffered over those 10 years?

you mean my suffering is nothing compared to those phrases above?

well.
okay.


no comment.


learnt to be cold hearted.

i want to be cold hearted.

so i dont feel anything .

i want to stop hurting .


headache's here .
nobody cares.
(:

i hate the old me.

when someone is mean to you ,

it doesnt mean you have to be nasty to someone.

be tolerant , be nice .

ultimately you'll be proud of yourself in what you've stomached in.


(:

i have such a problematic family ,
i wonder why am i not checked into a counselling center , or am in rehab.

at these moments,
i really wonder if i had the guts to kill myself.

dysfunctional family,

mother thats so selfish , you can hardly find another one that can beat her to that,

a grandma that can nag non stop, bringing in irrelevant facts, and can go crazy for so long ,
is a record.

all the bitches in the family,

fuck you.


i pity my boyfriend and future husband.
having to deal with such a problematic girl,
i think im better off being single.
so that i dont burden another .
-.-