heard this song on joyce's phone .
and this is like, so true bout my relationship.
lol.

There's only so many songs that I can sing to pass the time.
And I'm running out of things to do to get you off my mind (oh whoa).
All I have is this picture in a frame (oh ah),
that I hold close to see your face everyday.

With you is where I'd rather be,
but we're stuck where we are.
It's so hard, you're so far..
This long distance is killing me.
I wish that you are here with me,
but we're stuck where we are
it's so hard, you're so far..
This long distance is killing me.

It's so hard, it's so hard, where we are, where we are, you're so far.
This long distance is killing me.
It's so hard, it's so hard, where we are, where we are, you're so far
(so hard, so hard, where we are, where we are, your so far).
This long distance is killing me.

Now the minutes feel like hours
and the hours feel like days.. (whoa oh whoa)
While I'm away (way-ayyyy)
You know right now I can't be home (ahhhhhh)
But I'm coming home soon (ahhhhhh)
Coming home soon.. (ahhhhhh a hahhh)
All I have is this picture in a frame (ahhhhh)
that I hold close to see your face everyday.

With you is where i'd rather be (where I'd rather be..),
but we're stuck where we are (oh oh).
It's so hard, (oh ah) you're so far.. (oh ahhh)
This long distance is killing me.
I wish that you are here with me (you are here with me),
but we're stuck where we are (oh oh)
It's so hard, (oh ah) you're so far.. (oh ahhh)

Can you hear me crying?
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh (ohh-oh ohh-oh)
Can you hear me crying? (oh-oh ah!)
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh (ohh-oh ohh-oh)
Can you hear me crying? (oh-oh ah!)
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh (ohh-oh ohh-oh)
Ooooh woo whoa ah ahhhhhhh oh ahhh (oh-oh ah!)
Uh ahhh uh ahhh whoaooooohh ah (ohh-oh ohh-oh)

With you is where i'd rather be (where I'd rather be..) whoaaaa!
(but we're stuck where we are) oh!
(it's so hard) So hard (your so far), so far
(this long distance is killing me) This long distance is killing me
I wish that you are here with me (you are here with me) meee..
(but we're stuck where we are) Stuck where we are! So hard! So far
This long distance is killing me

It's so hard, it's so hard, where we are, where we are, you're so far.
This long distance is killing me.
It's so hard, it's so hard, where we are, where we are, you're so far
(so hard, so hard, where we are, where we are, your so far).
This long distance is killing me.

There's only so many songs that I can sing to pass the time...

i love james (:

i miss you .

super tiring day..
so tired till i asked my dad to send me home ,
after dinner with diana .
lol.

earth hour in sg, was at 830pm.
waited till 830pm, where fish&co switched off the lights .
and i still think the idea isnt feasible.
lol.
you only switched off lights at that hour.
whats the point ?
LOL.

headed home ,
and talking to baby now.
wished he was here.
lol.

batam trip tomorrow!
hopefully it would be good.
am pretty excited to see the kids .
(:
and oh , saw gin&kh just now , at tamp.
so random .
lol.
and yeah yeah.
waking up at 5am tomorrow.
god.
=\
nevermind nevermindddd...
its all for a good cause!
heh .

-

love you too baby .
(:

have to post this up man .
happen to stumble across this on FB .

biters.... are still biters.
LOL.

i love my boyfriend.

james.
(:

i had this really really really huge urge to write about something , after seeing a particular photo on facebook.
not that im against the photo or something , it just irks me to see that face there. once so nice, and after a whole lot of things that happened, lets just push it all to a mixture of ego, pride, and greed.

talking bout remembering the roots huh.

sidetracking a little , frank , joyce and i had this talk bout blogs. usual stuff, like how blogs are meant for your own self , and it has been subjected to many discussions on the stuff that was written in the blog. lol. so , if anyone knows what im getting at, then good for you . and im writing this down , because i've been wanting to write this yesterday, but i've not been getting down to it.

and back to the picture.
lol.

it feels so sad , to see something like that happening . i mean most people might say , its a result of poor self control by himself/herself, and that greed/ambition would be the culprit here. is it worth it , to go against so many people? and most importantly, going against your own conscience? okay, maybe not that serious, but still. -.-

pretty upsetting, and when i faced that person , i feel so weird. like i dont know that person anymore. no longer the person that i used to know. a lil distant? perhaps. and it sucks.
sigh.
anyway, it doesnt really matter anymore i guess, because i believe he/she will know it one day.
just dont come crawling back , asking for forgiveness.
dont really know why im saying all these. but i swear its the photo that starts all of these !=x
-

and i had a really weird dream today. uh yesterday night . um this morning. whatever-.-

i dreamt of my partner in FTL. and this time , he's not battling with me . he's watching me .
and the arena is somewhat like, Juste Debout style. hahaha . and and i was ALSO THE DJ-.- then i was supposed to battle someone . and its freaky , because that someone is AN AN. =.= same person i battled for FTL. lol. then , because i couldnt find the song that i wanted to use in my battle, i made everyone wait. lol. and an was on the phone with someone , and she scolded me for taking so much of everyone's time. LOL.-.- then , the scene switched, to me dressing like what iris wore during her photoshoot on sat. hahahahahhaaa. so lame . and then it ended there.=x

i've been getting more dreams lately.
weird.
=x

sorry for the weird blog post format. deep thoughts comes in chains.=x

probably props time later. (:
gonna bum around awhile more. LOL.
bye!

thanks for the concerns.
im doing okay.
maybe just abit upset after arguing with boyfriend.
but , i've let it go,
and im better now.
(:

didnt have to meet mom today,
so went to have dinner with joyce and frank.
funny at how the boyfriend, the best friends can hang out together.
i admit that its pretty awkward,
when you see your best friend acting lovey dovey with her boyfriend,
and you're standing either in front , behind or beside them,
and still feeling grumpy over the argument with james.
lol.

had some baked rice,
and it tasted sucky.
lol.
then back home.
had starbucks too.
yummy.

-

(:
around 2 weeks to concert. am pretty excited.
and happy too.
(:
i just wanna dance my heart out .
lol.

dont know what to do,

dont know what i feel.

am i supposed to be angry now, or upset?

-

commitments.
is it that hard to keep up to it ?

talking bout disappointment .

you are disapointed in me, so should we still be talking ?

since you think i've changed.

confused.

when i feel upset,
i thought you would understand , give in to me for this once.

but after everything,
what happened?

im the one giving in .
no?

and getting back at me like this ?

you're just making me disappointed too.

if you still do not understand ,
i dont know what to do anymore.

i've not changed.
i just wanted to do something different.

woken up to find myself getting accused at,

getting scolded for waking up late, which is 1030am .
and this is the first time, in the past 2 weeks, that i've woken up at this timing .
talk about life being unfair, seriously.

hate it when people assume things.
especially your loved ones.
just when you thought they would understand,
somehow, no they dont .

my family.
do i really have a family?
or , is it a group of people that i happened to be living under the same roof with ?
leaving me hurt , and disappointed time and time again.

baby , i need you now.
stay with me .

hi , it's been a long time since i've been here .
(:
i love you .
and i will side you no matter what happens .
and what people say .
don't feel sad or heavy about anything that isn't your fault .
you're not involved anyway .
just learn from it kay . (:

TAKE CARE OF YOUR BACK PLEASE .
raaaaaaaaaaaah .
eat more , drink more , rest more .
love you .
i'm a proud boyfriend .
(:

its a tiring day .

im really really tired.
but i've learnt something .

might be beneficial, might be not.

kay goodnight .

Radikal Force Jam. (:

one of the dopest jams i've been to !
its really nice to see so many bboys/bgirls around .
its like, a family kind of thing .
haha.

anyway ,
props to felix ! he spoke throughout the whole event ,
and i think he's gonna get a sore throat soon .
haha.
and its organised too. (:
i like Koflow too.
he's dope. haha.

inspiring , and at the same time , learnt something .
learnt to expand on my musicality .
and how battles work out .
then i realised our battle scene need to be much more .
its lacking . seriously.
haha.
and also, creativity.
there's this tag , by all area crew.
damn dope.
3 of them , in a circle formation, lying on the sides.
then , they held each other's arm, and hooked their legs .
using their free hand, they lift themselves off ,
and another went in to freeze.
awesome stuff . (:

and of course,
its nice to observe how aggressive some of them are in a battle.
super arrogant, to the point of being vulgar.
haha.

FTC didnt get into quarters, but i think they did a good job anyway !
(:

headed back home , after the event .
-

looking forward to KO night .(:

-

ps. having withdrawal symptoms after the jam sucks big time .
haha.

im feeling weird weird again .
its so annoying, when this sudden feeling comes out of nowhere,
and literally punches you in the stomach .
and no ,
its not bout the period.
lol.

since training's suddenly cancelled today ,
i stayed at home .
finished up 'breaking dawn'.
heh .
and drifted in and out of sleep.
lol.

as usual,
the book made me think .
think of thoughts that are disturbing.
and the usual stuff that always bugs me .
sigh.
i wished we could be like the characters in the story too.
carefree, not bugged down by problems.
lol.

i remembered having this conversation with ryan yesterday, before training .
its funny . i was early, and i offered to get coffee for ryan .
he was really really tired ( and i think thats why he got a fever ), and we talked bout SYF,
bout random stuff, like money , war, and religion .
his digressing skills are superb. =x
and we both agreed on one point .
lol.
everything is about money .
and how true .
so, i asked him , what if money doesnt exist in this world?
and he started telling me that , its because of greed .
didnt answer my question but i understood , somehow.
lol.
-

i wish i could learn how to read people's eyes.
they say , its the windows to the soul.
i want to know how people are feeling ,
how people think .
its a good thing , i guess.
(:
-

i think everyone needs reassurance.
no matter how strong you are, how immuned you are to the environment and pressure.
its nice having someone come up to you, giving you a hug
or just saying something nice .
you never know you actually comforted a person in the midst of that act.
-

i dont have the privilege of having that someone beside me all the time .
sometimes, i feel cranky , i feel sad.
and all i wish , is for that someone to be there.
giving me a crushing hug like how joyce gives me .
but its tough .
i guess its pretty hard on him too.
and its slowing down..
heck .
why am i ranting .
lol.
maybe i need assurance.
hahaahaa.
-

its a long post today .
maybe i shouldnt stay home , after all.
my thoughts run wild.
:(
i wanna travel badly .
lol.
a short trip, anything .
time to clear the emotional baggage inside me .
=x
-

joyce and sk's leaving for their OSIP already .
lol.
hopefully they will be alright .
missing them as usual.
no more drinking sessions with joyce alreadyyyyyy zzzzz.
lol.
prolly a good thing im 18 .
haha.
-

waiting for james to come online .
i made him wait for 3 hours yesterday .
today's redemption day . haha.
and hopefully, he feels better.
(:

gonna go watch some movie , to kill time .
alright byeeeee.

i think im really weird.
guess what i had for dinner?

LOL.

its cereal with milk .
hahahahahhaa.
dope food.
i like (:

today's training was okay i guess.
same stuff, battling part(:
its fun heh .
and yeah like what ryan says,
we need to take ownership of the things in concert.
heh .
-

went to catch bloody valentine with sam kw and meiqi .
haha.
its scaryyyyyy zzzz.
meiqi and i wasted 5 bucks already, by covering our eyes whenever something scary is coming .
lol.
and went to look for nicole after movie .
(:
got really sleepy , and i went home .

waiting for james to come online now.
sigh .
sorry for yesterday , love.
hope you understood me , and im glad im clearer now.
lol.

training tomorrow again .
weeeeee.
i like trainingggg, which meant dancing .
lol.

(:

ps. i met ALLY at cathay! its been a long time , and she looks white as ever. =x

and so !

i went to catch a movie today !
lol.
its a habit to watch movies every weekend .
=x

'push' is a nice movie,
but why does it seem like all the superhero movies comes out together at the same time?
think, ' push','watchmen' , 'dragonball evolution-.-'
funny .
but anyway ,
'push' is based in hongkong.
and looking at the places in HK makes me wanna travel..
badly.
lol.

went to walk aroundd town as usual.
its a sunny day.
and im wearing my sweater, with white tanktop inside.
heh
i like dressing like that when im feeling lazy .
pull on a pair of jeans , white top and sweater.
and my dunks.
(:

its suprisingly crowded today.
lol.
-

baby's feeling sleepy.
silly boy.

im gonna go off now,
since he's sleepy.
and its becoming a habit .
when he leaves, i will leave too.
hahahaa.

okay goodnight !(:
XH's class later with jer !
yayyyyy=DDD

james is backkkkk . (:

a pleasant suprise yesterday while waiting for the bus home .
nel msged to tell me he's online heh.

and so,
baby's back from battling .
dope dope dope.

missed him so much .
lol.
and hope he gets well soon .
(:

-

training was good .
everything's piece-ing up slowly.
can see the picture of it .
and hopefully, it will be a good show.
(:

oh ! and im proud of my partner tooooo.
heh.
3rd in danceworks.
awesome shit !
(:

gonna train harder and harder.
dont wanna disappoint him when KO night comes around .
hopefully, top 8 . =p

gonna head out soon.
movies time heeeee.
(:

byeeeeee.

its the 7th today .
lol.
our first anni without him around =x

its been 8 months .
heh.
we're still going strong .
except for the occasional bickering ,
and whatnots.
lol.
but i still love him .
(:

come back soooooooooon, baby.
im waiting here for you.
-

dance's good.
(:

training later at 10am .
still feeling hyped up bout it .
lol.
hope it doesnt die down due to fatigue lol.
gonna sleep now .

(:

fuck.

i miss james so much .
:(

the first day of training (:
and its awesome !

as much as im tired,
i felt happy .
(:
and it makes it all worthwhile=DDD

training later at 10am (:
im loving every part of it . heeee.

sleeping soon !
(:

i'm ready (:

many times in my dance life, i often felt lost and not knowing how to go on about what i wanna achieve. and many times , i felt really defeated and burnt out by my own expectations, and the goals that i've set .

probably its a good thing i've realised things that i dont , before. and im definitely much clearer in terms of how i wanna go about doing it . lol. (:

im not a planner. i dont like to plan things , on what i should do today .
but i guess i need to learn .
i cant have james helping me to plan out my life too, can i ? =x

i know i've felt lost for a very long time .
even in popping , i've lost the path in front of me.
everything seemed bleak, and dark. and i dont know what i was doing back then.
up till now.
but . i think im starting to see clearer.
the mist had probably subsided.
(:

i think , i grew lazy.
many times, people learn to defend themselves.
its more like, ' nah , this is crap. i know im not like that. its not im lazy . its that, i dont have time'.
i dont deny that i used this to defend myself sometimes.
probably an ego/esteem thing .
but its time i learn to stop putting the shield around me , and go out there.
challenge myself, put myself in danger.

people change.
i've changed , definitely.
perspective of dance is always changing .
it comes to a point for me , where dancing to win doesnt matter anymore.
again, i dont deny i used to think that way .
but i know now.
there's still a long way for me to go.
but i know for sure, i've never ever stopped loving dance .
dance , in the form of itself.
and not tagged with power, status, achievements.

and im still learning to let go.
its probably the most vulnerable part of me.
fucking tough .
lol.

wonder why im writing all these down?
haha.
i spent the whole day with my love.
watching videos.
dance movie.
getting inspired all over again .
going gaga over the bboys and poppers like how some kids react to zac efron or whatever.
a day of self discovery once more
(:

bboying is dope.
planet bboy really inspired me .
and watching KOD on youtube .
haha.
i like ichigeki , but i think they retired already .
lol.
and of course last for one . caught them last year at esplanade.
bboy zero-nine(:

i think phase-t is dope too.
and i think its really nice to see how parents were supportive of them in breaking .
and how their parents learnt how much it is to them.
i wished my dad would understand too.
so i dont have to keep covering up my tracks in dance.
it gets tiring , once in a while.
lol.
but similarly , i wont give up , till they see how much it meant to me (:

anyway.
im ready (:
fresh, recharged.
and welcome home, joey.
you've found your way home .


ps. im glad james is a bboy .
haha.=x