YES IM JOEY (:

2011-09-17T13:23:00.002+08:00

moving on.

to a new place.

dont have the heart to use this blogspot anymore.

2011-09-13T15:18:00.003+08:00

i am so heartbroken no one can understand how much i've gone through.

i will never believe in you again.
all these 3 years of love.

what is it?
its all a pack of lies.
all lies .

shame on myself for letting myself into this situation.
malicious people .

fuck you all.

2011-09-09T13:12:00.002+08:00

love is something that all of us cant explain ..

it brings us joy, sadness, hurt, and the butterfly feeling in our tummy each time we think of that person.
(:

yes i might not have a very good life,
i might not be the happiest person around.

but.

the thought of that one person makes me happy.
and i feel like im the luckiest person in the world.

people say you lead your own life like how you want it to be .
you dont have to account to anybody of anything.

i know i want this guy , and no matter what happens,
i never regretted once .
(:

james,
i love you.
it doesnt matter if we're far apart,
because we know we have each other in our hearts.
you changed me so much ..
and i want to be with you forever.
(:

i love you baby.
3 years and 1 month.
going stronger than before.
(:

<3

2011-08-28T22:46:00.000+08:00

breaking down every single minute.

2011-08-24T00:08:00.002+08:00

2nd time im seeing myself dead.

i really wish im dead now.

maybe its time .

im tired.

i lost the will to survive.

just choosing the day i will finally let go of everything and disappear.

then,

everybody will be happy.

maybe they will be sad.

but time heals.

i know i would be forgotten.

its okay,

my needs and thoughts were never known anyway.

goodbye.

might be the last time i post here.

might not?

we'll see.

nobody cares.

never will.

only a matter of time people sees this.

till then its too late.

2011-08-16T00:57:00.003+08:00

today,

i see myself sitting on a chair .
with a razor blade, cutting through my wrist.
bright red blood flowing through my hand.
the light-headedness.
amazing.

i see the ambulance.
i said my goodbyes.
i see my brother calling.

i hear my name pronounced dead.
i wandered around.

i disappeared from your lives.
i wondered what happens after that.

2011-07-01T11:30:00.002+08:00

we are not letting go ..

and we probably would not.

it will never end .

i will not let it end..

2011-05-25T21:55:00.001+08:00

left heartbroken and alone again.

2011-04-24T21:17:00.002+08:00

there's nothing much i wanna say here..

but i just wanna let everyone know..

that it doesnt matter if your boy/girl is here or not.
ultimately what is most important ,

is that boy/girl is always in your heart.
(:

and that said ..

my boy is always in my heart.

<3 you my prince ;)

2011-04-16T23:53:00.001+08:00

hey sweetie(: heh. its been such a long time i posted something here. (: i love you. (: and i wanna be your wife. hopefully you'll come for me soon. so then u'll get to hold my hand! and we'll have our naughty time together;p heh. i love you with all my heart. (:

2011-03-27T23:09:00.001+08:00

lost hope and faith in people who dont make an effort to chase after me. well done.

2011-03-20T22:15:00.001+08:00

it feels all so familiar..

the stress for concert,
the lonely feeling ,

the whole courtship.

i am now alone ..
must learn to cope.

i can do this.
(:

2011-03-20T00:18:00.001+08:00

how much do you need me , really?

2011-03-18T00:31:00.001+08:00

i am really changing.

Thank you God , for the fun-filled life.
and the wonderful people you have planted in my life.

i love You.
(:

just like the way i used to be ..

2011-03-15T12:24:00.002+08:00

still very much in love with you.

a deep sense of connection nobody else would understand ...

2011-03-09T02:18:00.003+08:00

yeah yeah yeah.

just not care.

forget bout her.

she's old. how many more years to go?

why is it that people always forget how much i've suffered over those 10 years?

you mean my suffering is nothing compared to those phrases above?

well.
okay.

no comment.

learnt to be cold hearted.

2011-03-06T23:11:00.001+08:00

i want to be cold hearted.

so i dont feel anything .

i want to stop hurting .

headache's here .
nobody cares.
(:

2011-03-06T00:19:00.001+08:00

i hate the old me.

2011-03-04T22:04:00.000+08:00

when someone is mean to you ,

it doesnt mean you have to be nasty to someone.

be tolerant , be nice .

ultimately you'll be proud of yourself in what you've stomached in.

(:

2011-02-28T13:24:00.003+08:00

i have such a problematic family ,
i wonder why am i not checked into a counselling center , or am in rehab.

at these moments,
i really wonder if i had the guts to kill myself.

dysfunctional family,

mother thats so selfish , you can hardly find another one that can beat her to that,

a grandma that can nag non stop, bringing in irrelevant facts, and can go crazy for so long ,
is a record.

all the bitches in the family,

fuck you.

i pity my boyfriend and future husband.
having to deal with such a problematic girl,
i think im better off being single.
so that i dont burden another .
-.-

2011-02-22T00:03:00.001+08:00

really feel like jumping down now.

2011-02-21T23:59:00.001+08:00

im fucking this close to saying goodbye to everyone .
dont push it.

2011-02-21T23:08:00.001+08:00

insecure.

just freaking insecure.

its okay.
endure.

this week.
whats the ending?

im scared.
yet not losing faith.

why?
what to do?

i dont know.
im scared.

lost.

2011-02-17T00:07:00.002+08:00

i didnt know i irk you so much .

all i asked for , is you to look from my point of view.

people dont give you second chances .
they fucking dont .
and they never ever cared how u feel.

2011-02-16T21:10:00.000+08:00

i love you.

2011-02-14T01:49:00.001+08:00

happy v day .
not.

5th year straight . facing the loneliness and pretending to be happy seeing couples on the streets.

Dont Let Me Go .

2011-02-09T11:36:00.001+08:00

I can see your shadow lying in the moonlight
I can hear your heartbeat playing on my right side
Every night I long for this, makin' up what I miss
I can hear you breathing letting out a sad sigh

You tried so hard to hide your scars
Always on your guard

Don't, don't let me go
Don't make me hold on when you're not
Don't, don't turn away
What can I say so you wont
No don't, don't let me go...

I can see the skyline fading in the distance
Tears are comin' down
I'm trying just to make sense
I don't listen to the radio just the engine and the road
I wonder if my words are makin' any difference

I dream and then it seem to end
But always come again

I'm comin' down
To where you're standing
I need you now or you'll be watchin'
Me hit the ground
With crashing in...

Don't let me go...
Don't let me go...

what i need ,
is just you to love me .

love you baby.

2011-02-08T15:31:00.002+08:00

i am so worried ,

i think im gonna call the cops if youre here by midnight .

or at least your store.

7th

2011-02-07T11:30:00.002+08:00

sunday morning rain is falling ...
steal some color , shed some skin ..
clouds are ...
feel the mood that i am in ..

lol.
just felt like listening to sunday morning .
beautiful song .
just that its a monday lol.

2 years 6 months .
although things have changed , mistakes have been made ,
i still dare to say i love this guy alot and im very sure of that.
so please dont tell me to choose someone else or something like that.
cause ,
ultimately i want you , baby.

i love you very much .
i've never regretted all of this..
i hope you dont .

forever loved by me baby.

<3

2011-02-06T23:44:00.001+08:00

you have no fucking idea how heartbroken i am now.

fucking crying like a loser,
sighing to myself ,
fucking loser.

it never pays to be good.
no matter how you love someone.

i loved someone so much only to be treated like thrash.

well done joey.

2011-02-06T23:04:00.003+08:00

was at the wedding lunch earlier .

pretty short reception , but its okay overall.

lol.

beautiful bride , funny groom.

didnt scatter the flowers towards the couple lol.

cant bring myself to.

and i was still thinking how my wedding would be like .

lol.

how fucking naive.

i should just forget bout the wedding shit.

remain single.

lol.

thats what i want from the start anyway.

2011-02-05T22:34:00.001+08:00

nothing i do would be enough to make up for anything .

lol.

2011-02-02T00:59:00.001+08:00

i feel so sad and whatever inside,
i just wanna curse out loud.

2011-02-01T11:07:00.001+08:00

last time.

i am only human.

2011-01-31T00:49:00.002+08:00

haha my boyfriend misses my entries.

lol.

so here i am ,

typing this for him.

(:

i was reading up on our past archives ,

on how we first met each other.

such a bittersweet memory(:

its really interesting how we got together and im sure it would be a big hit if its on the cinemas.

LOL.

=x

im loving God everyday,

and im still doing so .

(:

i love my boyfriend,

(and yes im mentioning you now so dont feel disappointed hahahaa)

(and i know youre smiling now)

LOL.

and im so excited.

just a few more weeks to seeing him.

please,

just let him come down safely.

lol.

i love you baby.

and um , our son.

HHAHAA.

<3

repentance.

2011-01-29T22:39:00.003+08:00

today's follow up lesson was on repentance.

it was hard to let other people know of your sins,
but yet its a relief when you told your leaders bout it .
being transparent isnt that bad after all(:

its hard to forgive when there isnt closure.
and right now , im trying to let these strongholds go away.
its hard, but with Father's guidance i know i can do it.
(:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2011-01-27T23:15:00.001+08:00

happy birthday my boy !
(:

i love you .
and i always do(:

<3

love.

2011-01-25T19:21:00.002+08:00

you know , as they say,

when your heart belongs to someone , its near impossible for you to find someone else to replace that person.

and i was just sitting on bed thinking ,

and i realised that what kept me going was how much we loved each other throughout these years.

and that will never change.

i still love you very much, like day one .

<3

2011-01-24T21:17:00.002+08:00

there are so much thoughts in my mind that i simply dont know where to start.

problems with family, relationship, myself..

but somehow whenever i wanna write it down , the thoughts always disappears.
zzz.

pastor Joakim once shared this with the congregation.
that, we must have forgiveness in our hearts , so that God can forgive us of our sins. for once, i really thought that i will forgive her. but its so difficult when there is no closure in the first place lol.

and he also shared the vision of evangelism.
and somehow i watched this show on tv today , bout some unfortunate people out there and how people from all over the country come together and help them .

there is this old lady who is so old , and is visually impaired. but instead of being all sappy bout it , she actually told the volunteers that she didnt want anything . she just wanna do something to help all the people out there. when i watched her episode on tv, it struck a chord in my heart. like how she is an Activist for God , (be it whatever her religion was) and there was just so much faith and hope in her that other people's lives would be better, if they looked forward in life like how she does. she's such a courageous woman , and i feel ashamed that i havent been helping the poor and needy. lol.

and sometimes people are just too busy to notice the small details that are going on in our lives. just like me , as i was sitting down at the couch to have breakfast, i didnt notice how happy my grandma can get when she talks on the phone with someone , i didnt notice how many boxes i actually have in the living room. all this just happens, when i had more time to spare .

actually i dont know whats the purpose in saying all those lol. i just feel like ranting away and i just need to talk to someone. but nobody's free so here i am , writing all these down lol.

im a sensitive person. i need to feel loved all the time because i never got that ever since my parents divorced. and when i get pushed to a corner, i will snap and shut everyone out .
so , dont blame me if i shut you out too. =x

okay nothing much to say already. lost the mood. lol.

Juste Debout Singapore Vol. 1

2011-01-22T00:55:00.002+08:00

my comp is down at the moment ..
so i wont be able to post much . lol.

anyway !

Juste Debout tomorrow !
omg super excited ,
especially after seeing Michael's partner for House.
lol.

and .
its super disappointing to see how dancers are reacting to this international event .
come on people.
its Juste Debout .
not some random competition that has fucked up prizes .
its JUSTE DEBOUT.

and i really think as a dancer,
if u dont even know whats the main dance events around the globe,
you can seriously shoot yourself.

support the dance scene.
if you as a dancer in singapore, cant support the local community ,
i dont see how you can rave bout other competitions over the world through the net.
cause this time,
its brought to you live by people who are in this community.
i dont really see what other events or matters can really hold you up from this one .
and i think ,
its time for the dancers to be gaining exposure from such events.

big thank you to zhiming .
this guy sacrificed probably like his whole life savings on this event .
so if u consider yourself a sg dancer,
u should prolly think if u wanna be stuck in your little bubble,
or go out and see this event , and be awed by the dope dancers around the world.

im not specifically aiming anyone ,
but in case you feel a little tug in your heart bout what i've just said ,
good luck.
do some self reflection .
(:

ps.
baby i miss you!
<3

2011-01-16T15:39:00.000+08:00

im starting to be so dependent on you that im starting to hate myself for that.

stop.

quotes.

2011-01-15T12:45:00.002+08:00

i have been reading this book called 'words that matter' by the Oprah magazine and its amazing how this tiny book could actually make me feel all inspired and beautiful inside. you know, when you feel all demoralized and shitty bout everything thats going in this world, its good to find this kind of inspirational books and have a read. (:

' i know now that a relationship built on real love feels good. it isnt selfish ; it doesnt cause you anxiety. when someone loves you, he understands that youre lovable just because you're here. how he treats you underscores that understanding' - Oprah.

'if you are in love.. that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone . dont let anyone make it small or light to you.' -John Steinbeck, Author.

'our capacity to love often depends on having a good childhood - not a great one, just good enough.' Ethel Person, medical doctor and psychoanalyst.

and what i realised bout life, is that we always judge people. we always judge people on the cover. we dont really know the person , and although their actions reflect what we judge, i think its not right. after all, we're all God's children . its just that we're born in different situations , born in different families with different environment . so who are we to judge and say we know their situation? but of course, every single one has that little judgmental streak in us . (:

just a random thought.

enjoy your saturday!

lynette's VERY early bday celebration !

2011-01-15T11:39:00.003+08:00

its really heartwarming to see how much the boyfriend have done for her..

but at the same time..

the venue is like...

LOL.

love this girl.

yesterday's gathering made me realised that im very much blessed with this group of friends that will stick with me through thick and thin , and will never say goodbye to me ever.

i love you girls !

my first CG meeting .

2011-01-14T00:21:00.002+08:00

i had my very first CG meeting today.

was really in a pissy mood and feeling all edgy but as i started worshipping and praying to my Father, i feel so much better. i didnt know why, or maybe its just that i haven gotten over what happened yesterday. lol.

so anyway today's meeting was really powerful. i felt so much and honestly, i think God talks to me through people. just when i had a bad day yesterday, He told me to believe in Him and not let situations pull me down. (: i must always always remember that.

i think i've changed quite abit , after getting saved. im not quite like the person i was before. im pretty sure its more on the positive side . but somehow , my confidence in dance dropped tremendously. just like for class today, i feel so inferior, so ugly. like im not like what i used to be . being called out might seem to people that im good enough in the instructor's eyes , but i got called after he played the music. maybe he was just being kind in putting me there. i dont wanna assume , but i seriously feel i just began dancing , and i felt really lousy.

you know , its really hard to stay positive all the time ? like how i told myself that i've just picked up dancing again and i shouldnt expect too much . but each time i go to a class, i sense the regret in me , like why didnt i dance in that 6 months? i lost so so so much. like a part of me was really gone.

then the technical part and the comparison kicks in. like how i feel that im not technically strong anymore and how some people improved so much that i felt so lousy. and then the Devil just had to step in and remind me of all the regrets i had. zzz.

my dream is still to be a dancer full time . i never gave up, i just put it on hold . but now is the time i guess. how long must i take to achieve? i dont know , but i know God has everything planned out for me , and if it doesnt work out then i cant do anything , can i? lol.

it feels good typing here again . at least i feel a small mountain lifting up from my shoulders. (:

i do not want to be the best. i just want to be good enough for God and to live up to my expectations.

and today , i didnt live up to mine .

lol.

nevermind , try again . just like today's class. the lyrics goes something like.. 'dust it off , try again '.

yes maybe its okay. i just have to dust it off , and try hard again.

hope my baby's feeling better today

gonna go off now. long post today. heh.

2011.

2011-01-13T15:29:00.002+08:00

i realised that as you grow older, the sentences you type are more perfect ,

and it gets longer.

i also realised that, as you grow older, colorful blogskins and fanciful prints on your blog,

dont seem to matter anymore. Minimalistic is the 'in' thing.

what i also realised, that as you grow older , you become more mature and seem to care lesser for people who stepped out of your life.

people come and go .

what a sad and realistic life we lead.

lol.

2010-12-31T22:02:00.002+08:00

i guess its the time for self reflection..

this year, i dont really feel heavy hearted like the previous years, scared and worried bout whats gonna come anymore.

i know that with God in my life now,

i will face the future bravely and will be a much more confident person !

this year has been more of a downside , rather than a good year for me.

be it in terms of friends, relationship , and work.

nothing can beat the highlight of this year,

where God found me .

i am really thankful to take the trip to Bali ,

and from there i realised that no matter what happens,

i will still have God beside me .

im amazed by how He found me ,

and i am so glad.

i no longer feel as lonely as before,

i have my sisters and brothers to worship Him with me in church ,

and i feel really blessed this year.

although dance has been put behind this year,

it made me achieved my interest .

i learnt Bartending ,

and at least now i got to say i know a little bout what im drinking when i hit the clubs(:

today ,

Pastor How preached bout having bigger visions for the next year,

and it will be a year of reconciliation, with bigger dreams .

i am so happy and i am confident of being a better person , a better girlfriend, daughter and a dancer in the coming year.

i am so thankful for all the friends and although i didnt meet up with my friends and it seemed to them like i MIA-ED, but i know its all good cause at least i met really good friends like lesley. (:

im also thankful for the relationship with James.

although we might not be doing well for the past year,

at least we learnt more bout each other and are planning for the future together !

i also thank God for bringing this guy into my life,

and for making us realise that we really need each other and its more than just us seeing each other.(:

this year,

i've gotten so much closer to my father, and my brother.

i feel really blessed and i am determined to make my family more bonded than it is now.(:

for this year,

i pray that i will be a better dancer,

to gain back the lost time in dancing .

i also want to be able to go over to LA at least once this year,

and to take classes like what i wanted all along.

i also pray to be a better daughter, to earn money for my father , and my future husband .

i also pray for a breakthrough in church, to be able to dance on the stage for God and my church.

i know i can do it ,

and i will.

its been a really crazy year.

but i know ive grown so much ,

and im prepared to be a better person next year.

love,

joey.

birthday girl.

2010-12-27T02:13:00.000+08:00

its my birthday today.

honestly, i never intended to celebrate it so its just another normal day with a bit of extra love from people around me.

thank you all for your wishes .

God Bless.

love,

joey.

2010-12-20T01:33:00.000+08:00

at this point in time, i feel as though i need you more than you need me.

you meant everything to me ..

but what bout me?

i am human too.

i've ignored my feelings for too long.

2010-12-20T01:14:00.003+08:00

everything that i do now is for you..

im sorry i got hurt , and it hurts you too.

i feel really lonely at this time.

honestly, i hope everything is real.

cause sometimes i cant even tell if its real.

gotta stop being naive.

nobody needs me .

haha.

2010-12-08T14:04:00.001+08:00

how do i even celebrate the 7th when everything is just so fucked up.

if only u know why im doing it.

at that moment at the beach , ive lost everything .

i just wanna die honestly..

im so tired.

no purpose, nothing .

2010-12-08T13:08:00.000+08:00

dumped just 3 days before my wedding day.

i have nothing left.

2010-12-01T01:31:00.001+08:00

for the fucking last time , i swear i didnt . so fuck stop believing other people and start believing your own girlfriend.

2010-10-27T13:47:00.002+08:00

i haven't been writing for long .

i guess i've went back to my old ways, hiding everything inside . and now

im probably facing the consequences.

exploded already.

if you understand what i mean.

take some time to watch this.

somehow, i got really inspired after watching it , and it tells me how much people value their day.

some people just need a smile from a stranger, some people want to have lots of money to make their day.

then ask yourself , what would make your day?

for me , what would make my day , would be to have my boyfriend beside me and happiness.

its that simple.

and now , my heart's still unsettled.

my mind is scattered.

each time i wake up in the morning, i would be reminded at where i would actually be in Bali. at 12, maybe i'll be still at the beach or walking down poppies lane 2.

or maybe i'll be near my hotel and getting a Bintang beer from the local minimart.

but when i woke up today,

in my mind , it was just Bali.

maybe i havent been travelling for quite some time, so it gets overwhelming when i do. but this time, i havent really achieved what i want back there, and so i came back with a heavy heart.

hopefully, i'll be back at bali in december with baby .

im sure it would be much more fulfilling that everything that i've faced over there.

im also thankful for this trip, as it brought me closer to God, and it told me one thing.

that my faith is changing and who i can really talk to , whenever i needed guidance.

something that no one can influence me , no one can tell me to follow.

because what i've experienced at Bali , is what God have given me.

i'll write more next time .

whenever i wanna write.

right now, i just wanna think bout Bali and how much i miss that place.

2010-10-12T13:32:00.002+08:00

i have so much to pen down, so much to release.

but then again when i come into this page, i dont want to anymore.

i'll just keep it in my mind.

2010-10-04T23:18:00.002+08:00

sometimes i really get so frustrated and tired, my tears just roll down and my heart aches.

like right now.

think. process. talk.

2010-09-29T00:08:00.002+08:00

i never intended to come.

wow.

put words into my mouth again.

thank you very much.

2010-09-20T00:05:00.000+08:00

my heart is hurting so fucking bad .

you tore my heart apart.

i just wanna die now.

2010-09-19T12:47:00.001+08:00

this used to be last time.

2010-09-17T16:56:00.002+08:00

the weather is cold.

i need a hug now.

especially from you.

sometimes what she does really contradicts herself.

you think im useless, and wondered what dad have done wrong to have such a daughter.

but today,

i find you at my bedside, cleaning my drawers even though my aunt asked you not to.

you just told her, 'its okay, nothing to do anyway.'

are you doing this to make up for what you've said to me or you just wanna help?

i dont know.

2010-09-13T23:08:00.001+08:00

Roller Coaster
To dream that you are riding a roller coaster, represents life's frequent ups and downs in your waking life. You are experiencing erratic behavior brought on by yourself or a situation.

Staircase
To see a staircase in your dream, symbolizes change and transformation.

To see a bully or be bullied in your dream, signifies repressed rage. The bully may be seen as your shadow Self which you have rejected.

2010-09-11T16:21:00.000+08:00

i am really v angry now.

zzz.

2010-09-10T17:32:00.001+08:00

sometimes i really wonder how much i mean to this family.

i dont think i deserve to be unloved.

2010-09-07T01:12:00.001+08:00

1097th post.

i love you my baby.

happy 7th.

i came across something i wrote last time , while packing my stuff.

love is a mutual feeling between 2 persons over a period of time, overcoming obstacles together, sharing joy and sadness, and emerging better persons at the end .

im still very much in love with you.

2010-09-05T20:36:00.002+08:00

i have so much to say..

but whenever it comes to writing it down,

i dont feel like it anymore.

lol.

what an irony.

2010-09-01T00:39:00.001+08:00

its like reading a sad story of someone.

instead of feeling sad for the person and offering something,

all that was seen was, 'oh why ? ah just forget it'.

it sucks, really.

2010-08-31T22:02:00.003+08:00

always feeling hurt and upset .

self esteem going down , low self confidence.

who would, when you hear something so degrading and hurtful from your own family?

everyone would.

including me. im human.

yeah, maybe i shouldnt even been borned.

fucking useless piece of shit who gets misunderstood all the time.

2010-08-30T13:58:00.002+08:00

im blogging for my boyfriend again.

heh.

thanks baby,

for being here for me .

for being so loving ,

and for wanting me.

dont worry sweetheart.

i will stay,

and i will be beside you forever.

just dont leave me .

i want to go for walks on beaches,

i want to see the sunset /sun rise.

i want to travel to hawaii and europe.

i want to do alot of things.

most importantly,

i want to do it with you.

i love you.

hee.

way more than you know.

really.

2010-08-29T17:17:00.000+08:00

this is for you baby(:

heh.

(:

2010-08-25T03:06:00.002+08:00

he's way too hot to not post it here. (:

say hello to my boyfriend.

2010-08-17T00:06:00.001+08:00

i've fallen and i cant get up.

help me , someone.

2010-08-09T17:08:00.002+08:00

been a crazy time out there so far.

haha.

i miss dancing so much.

lol.

wish i could not worry bout anything and just dance my life away.

2010-07-30T12:23:00.002+08:00

hello(:

its july the 30th.

im a happy girl now.

cause the boyfriend is back with me .

and im sure we'll have much more memories down the lane.

currently eating brunch while talking to him.

just like how we always do.

i love you baby!

to my one and only love. james ritcher.

2010-07-26T00:18:00.000+08:00

I couldn't live without you, no.
Couldn't see myself without you but it's over now.
I'm lost when I'm without you, yeah.
My heart just doesn't beat the same, I ain't got no one to blame.
And when I'm alone, I tell myself, I'll make it on my own.

Like the lyrics of a sad song, Mine was feeling so wrong.
If you could only hear the words I say.
When your heart beats beside me.
Without you, I can finally, I just want to hear you say that you'll be okay.
You'll be okay.

(Okay, o-o-okay, okay, o-o-okay)

If I could turn back to us (Mm, oh)
Then maybe I could change the way I was.
Just to prove it to us, I can be all the man you need.
And you're still the only woman for me.
And when I'm alone, I tell myself, I'll make it on my own.

Like the lyrics of a sad song, Mine was feeling so wrong.
If you could only hear the words I say.
When your heart beats beside me.
Without you, I can finally, I just want to hear you say that you'll be okay.
You'll be okay.

V- let me in man. (Yo, that you'll be okay)
I'm here to show you, here to be okay.
She had left me so sick like Ne-Yo say, damn.
I'ma need a couple minutes to bounce back.
Love is more important then the money I found (yeah)
But it was too late, baby I know now.
When I saw you standing by the door like go now.
So cold like a snow cloud, so slow merry-go-round.
And when I'm alone, I tell myself, I'll make it on my own.

(x2)
Like the lyrics of a sad song, Mine was feeling so wrong.
If you could only hear the words I say.
When your heart beats beside me.
Without you, I can finally, I just want to hear you say that you'll be okay.
You'll be okay.

(Oh, no. You'll be okay)
(Okay, o-o-okay, tell me you'll be okay, okay, o-o-okay)

my ultimate solace.

2010-07-21T15:19:00.000+08:00

2010-07-21T14:10:00.002+08:00

just when you thought you're strong inside.

you're not.

i dont believe in tears. maybe. maybe not.

even the strongest person out there cries.

believe me.

2010-07-13T13:42:00.001+08:00

i want and need a holiday right now.

thinking of just going away for awhile without any trace..

haha.

maybe this sunday?

2010-07-08T15:02:00.001+08:00

lets start with the dating game all over again.

still waiting for you.
never changes.

forever yours.
<3

2 years of love.

2010-07-07T15:01:00.003+08:00

its the 7th today.

happy 2 years anniversary love.

lets just put aside all the hate and love sick feeling for today.. its a day worth celebrating, worth being happy for .

for we are together. in our hearts and minds.

do not cry, do not break down.

this is what i told myself as i type all this, and listening to the mini compilation by you.

heart is aching , heart is missing you.

but i know we'll grow from the short separation.

i miss you so much.

do not forget me .

and dont worry, i wont too.

i remember our vows, our love for each other.

it will never fade away.

press on, my love.

may we meet in september.

i love you.

my piggy.

my sweetheart.

and the love of my life.

2 years.

2010-07-06T01:04:00.001+08:00

it all ended with a good note.

we all know inside who we really want.

you're always the love of my life.

happy 7th in advance my baby.

i love you very much james.

2010-07-05T18:08:00.001+08:00

yeah fuck the bartender.

to you im always like that.

just a pack of lies last week.

2010-06-27T19:26:00.003+08:00

hope will always turn to disappointment.

wonder why is it that each time we have to be leave and talk unhappily.

just that few words and u got me to leave. its okay.

someone can talk to you better than i do.

2010-06-27T17:43:00.000+08:00

i'm here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than depression and I am braver than loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.

“

2010-06-26T15:01:00.000+08:00

how to cope ?

barely surviving.

2010-06-23T13:17:00.001+08:00

i dont say things i dont mean.

i really love you.

2010-06-22T02:33:00.001+08:00

crying my heart out tonight.

just let me be.

2010-06-21T00:02:00.001+08:00

i really missed you.

2010-06-15T01:09:00.000+08:00

goodluck for your presentation baby.

i wish the scenario i asked you to imagine will come true one day(: except for the farting part lol!

love you sweetheart. (: remember your meals and to spray on my perfume ! heee heee.

*kiss*

2010-06-14T14:17:00.002+08:00

its been some time since i've blogged. lol.

right now, im just busy working and working, learning more stuff as i go along.. including about people and myself.

i caught karate kid yesterday with the mom and brother and it felt really heartwarming. i felt inspired too. and i realised, sundays and mondays are days that 'belongs' to me. i dont exactly fit in the environment at my workplace.

there's a customer who also said to me ; 'hey you dont look like a bartender you know. haha.' and true enough i guess. i was never meant to be in that kind of environment.

i have so much more to write bout, but as usual i always get stuck. when i come to blogger, i just shut up completely. finding it more difficult to open up again, even in my very own blog space.

weird isnt it?

2010-06-08T22:55:00.000+08:00

Try:
If i walk, would you run?
If i stop, would you come?
If i say you're the one, would you believe me?
If i ask you to stay, would you show me the way?
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me.
The world is catching up to you
While you're running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

If i sing you a song, would you sing along?
Or wait till i'm gone, oh how we push and pull
If i give you my heart would you just play the part
Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful.
Am i catching up to you?
While your running away to chase your dreams
It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

I will try for your love
I can hide up above

2x huh huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huh huhhh

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you're the one would you believe me

2010-06-07T15:42:00.001+08:00

sometimes i really wonder how much you trust me.

yeah and im always the bitch in your eyes.

2010-06-06T23:50:00.001+08:00

happy anniversary to us in advance.

its the 23rd month .

ended off with a bad note.

2010-06-06T22:55:00.003+08:00

its the 7th tomorrow.

i want some 'me' time.

spending it alone again . its okay. (:

2010-06-04T16:07:00.002+08:00

dear love,

work was alright yesterday.. its boring and the customers at the bar was countable with our hands u know. LOL. =x

it was pretty alright cause i learnt more. like the supervisor taught me more stuff and i learnt how to make mojitos yesterday! heh . like , once i learnt i made another 2 orders straight. now i can say i know how to make my favorite drink. lol.

i hope you're doing fine too. as usual, im here online but you're not around.. anyway remember to take good care of yourself alright? pamper you on sunday, our special day. (:

love you baby boy. miss you so much.

love,

joey.

ps. i dont know how you bold the words. LOL!

2010-06-03T14:17:00.002+08:00

dear love,

thank you so much for the love letter hee hee. such a suprise when i reached home in the morningggg(:

mmmm work yesterday was bad. terrible in fact. i hated it . and i used the wrong amount of spirits for sex and the beach. i thought i was so screwed. and some fucked up customer wants me to do up barcardi apple for him just cause im a trainee. zzzz. but i knew that so its fine . lol.

eric's being a bitch sometimes too. like he's so perfectionist. lol. and i couldnt really make drinks cause he thinks i cant do it yet. lol. annoying .

gonna work later at another outlet but i think its better cause there's certain annoying people that are not working. and i'd be thinking of you too love.

i love you baby. remember to take your meals as usual, and sleep more okay? dont worry bout me ! i always worry bout you. i miss you always. and take out my picture if u miss me alright. (:

love always,

joey.

love letter=p

2010-06-02T15:12:00.002+08:00

dear love,

goodmorningggggg. its my night shift today again.. and i hope it wouldnt be too busy though=p im eating my noodles as i talk to you right now ! haha silly boy, next time go get your dinner before rushing home to me okay. dont eat instant noodles too much!

eric the new bar captain is working with me today! i hope he doesnt screw me up too much or i'll get really screwedddd. lolol. and no more washing glasses i hope! its gonna be one month soon! if not i'll just get eric to get me my card=p hehhh.

i love you baby boy. thinking of you every moment . remember to think of me too and not AHEM AHEM. =p

love,

joey.

2010-06-01T22:49:00.003+08:00

my baby's complaining that i dont write love letters to him anymore so here i am hahhaa. funny at how he will address it as love letters. silly boy.

dear honey,

its the 1st of june ! and 6 more days would be our 23rd month together. (: time passes so fast and it seems like we're together for so so so long ! many many obstacles along the way but im very sure we'll pull through ! heh. oh and im so excited to see you here. your itinery is packed . fully packed with lots of fun with joey. =p and time to redeem your gifts=x LOL.

i love you with all my heart. i mean it . (:

to the boy i love the most,

joey.

2010-05-30T23:06:00.002+08:00

its been 2 weeks since i started work and omg im feeling the effects already.

being a nocturnal animal now and mmmmm suprisingly i would wake up after like 4-6 hours of sleep when i just had 10-12 hour shift the night before. lol. think im gonna grow fat already because apparently if you dont sleep much, you will eat much more. and i think im eating alot to cover up for the lack of sleep.

but otherwise, work is fun. learning alot on the way but of course not a fixed job for me. its way too crazy to be a permanent job. heh.

gonna meet up with cleone tomorrow before work on tuesday. (:

2010-05-26T10:52:00.001+08:00

just shut up and suck it all up.

2010-05-24T02:33:00.000+08:00

dear love,

i love you very much.

remember our vows today(:

love,
joey.

2010-05-23T09:06:00.003+08:00

coming home after a long day at work and finding all those stuff that you wrote is fucking upset and annoying.

majority of them are guys and that does not mean anything right. like, i do my work and they do theirs. i come home with stories to share with you but all i get is rejection and just a tight slap in the face. so you're not coming to talk anymore or you find it tiring to just talk to me on those days i can talk to you?

if you still have so little faith in me , then why am i being the foolish one holding on so tightly and not letting go?

you mean you dont love me anymore? i have feelings, james. i am very tired now.

told you so many times i really need you, but you can just let me go just like that.

so how much do you need me?